A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

NO, YOU ARE NOT T-PAIN: Polls have closed, and it seems likely that hair care magnate Farouk Shami will not succeed in his quest to capture the Democratic nomination for Texas Governor, on which he spent several million dollars of his own money. However, he has left us with the campaign's official rap song (released today, and which Burnt Orange Report confirms was paid for by the candidate), featuring excessive use of auto-tune and the chant of "Farouk! Farouk! Farouk is on fire! Serving the community his number one desire!" This will go down beside "Everyone's A Winner At Nixon Peabody," and General Wesley Clark sharing his opinions on OutKast.