A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP NETWORK: With mid-August having arrived, it's time to start thinking about the new fall TV season. The CW historically takes advantage by launching its shows in early September, a few weeks before the major networks do, and also benefits from only typically launching one or two new shows each fall. This fall, it seems Hellcats is the beneficiary of that promotional push. Based on the posters saturating Manhattan, I can draw the following conclusions about the show:

• It apparently stars some blonde chick's nicely toned stomach. She seems to want to be a less-clad Taylor Swift, but is wearing entirely too much mascara to do so. (A Wiki search reveals that this is Aly Michalka, formerly of tween pop duo Aly and AJ, and that she apparently plays a pre-law student "from the wrong side of the tracks" who joins cheerleading as a last-ditch way of preserving her scholarship.)
• It co-stars some brunette girl's cleavage. (Same Wiki search reveals that this is, in fact, HSM's Ashley Tisdale with a dye job, who, from my one viewing of the first film, would seem to deserve better than co-starring as cleavage on a CW show, and suggests that she will initially be a bitch, but will learn to accept the unique talents and views brought by over-mascara'd Taylor Swift.)
• There is an attractive cheerleader in the background, who will clearly be the show's designated bitch. But she's attractive, so it's OK!
• Someone apparently really enjoyed playing with the light-adjustment settings on Photoshop in making the poster.

Also, clearly CBS's promotional energies are focused on Hawaii Five-2.0 (aka Alex O'Loughlin Is A TV Star! Why Won't You Believe Us? or NCIS: Hawaii), which seems to be being sold entirely on the strength of its theme song. (Mind you, this is not an entirely bad strategy because, for God's sake, it's the Hawaii Five-O theme song.)