There were no children shouting at the lobsters in the tank; the lobsters in the tank at the Red Lobster I visited had divided themselves into sullen gangs, like residents of an aquatic prison yard. Instead, the only thing I heard, the only sound that jumped out, were voices of the Red Lobster waitresses, repeating with a flat cheerfulness, "Be back with biscuits."
Reading back over those last few sentences, I guess I'm making this sound more "Soylent Green"-esque than intended. On the other hand, the online Urban Dictionary defines Red Lobster as "a restaurant you order a meal at solely to get the cheddar biscuits."
Which is remarkable considering that Red Lobster is the nation's most ubiquitous seafood restaurant, the food is mediocre and entrees are far from chain-restaurant cheap — think $18 or more. And yet culinary history is partly a catalog of obsessions, those dishes that inspire slavish devotion, dragging in customers regardless of hunger. McDonald's french fries, Wendy's fries dunked into a Wendy's Frosty, the standard Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich.
The cult of the Cheddar Bay biscuit, however, seems special and intense.
Friday, August 19, 2011
SO IT'S BETTER THAN THE HONEY WHEAT BUSHMAN BREAD AT THE OUTBACK, IS WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME: Christopher Borelli of the Chicago Tribune makes something I've never tried, at a chain restaurant I've never been to, seem awfully appealing:
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Worth a shot? http://rasamalaysia.com/recipe-red-lobster-cheddar-bay-biscuits_05/
ReplyDeleteCheddar Bay biscuits are of the Lord. Now, I'm an admitted junk food devotee, but they really are some delicious junk food. And I'm surprised to see this article say the biscuits were introduced in the 90s, because I'm pretty certain they had some sort of cheesy biscuit back when we ate there when I was a kid. Maybe they just got named and branded in the 90s.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I've made a knockoff from a recipe from the internet, and it was pretty darn close. I'd say give it a shot! If you've never had the original, you won't know the difference.
Cosigned. Those biscuits are worth the price af admission. Of course, the price of admission includes not just entree prices but coming to grips with being at a Red Lobster.
ReplyDeleteStewart O'Nan's Last Night at the Lobster, referenced in the article, is one of the best books I've read in the past few years. It's not long, and setting it at a Red Lobster makes it feel as though it could be happeneing anywhere.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my wife and I still quote that whole stretch of Boondocks dialogue that ends with, "No, Grandad! Don't feed her the cheddar biscuits!" Hilarious.
I've made them at home and would have to say they were 90% as good as the ones at Red Lobster! I'm sure a better cook than I could make them ever better than the ones at Red Lobster.
ReplyDeleteI'm just amazed Adam made it through childhood without a trip to Red Lobster. No popcorn shrimp? Quel dommage.
ReplyDeleteNE Phila had other seafood options -- Fisher's (on Castor Ave and in Bensalem), Benny the Bum's, a few takeout places.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea those biscuits had such a following. They're quite good, though I never thought of them as a "destination" food.
ReplyDeleteI've had them, and I didn't think they were all that good. It's really just Bisquick mix with Cheddar and some dried onion and parsley added.
ReplyDeleteNow, if you want something really good, try making homemade buttermilk biscuits with fresh rosemary and garlic. Yum.
I only made it there a couple of times (as an adult), but my wife has a good childhood Fisher's story that involves her sister's removed shoe and a piece of flounder that found its way under the table.
ReplyDeleteThe restaurant I had my wedding in has something approximating Red Lobster cheddar biscuits, but then the meal afterward is actually delicious. [Grand Concourse in Pittsburgh! Go there!]
ReplyDeleteI used to work at a big chain restaurant and they had yeast rolls that customers went absolutely apenuts for. As soon as their butts hit the chair, it was "You'll be bringing some bread, right?" It made me believe all research I later read about carbs being addictive.
ReplyDeleteIf a carb addict can be compared to a drug addict.... Red Lobster cheddar biscuits = crack.
ReplyDeleteI need rehab.
My name is Mary and I have gone to Red Lobster just for the biscuits.
I never thought of myself as having had an abused childhood until reading that article and realizing that I've never set foot in a Red Lobster and thus been denied cheese biscuits, which I'm fairly confident I'd love.
ReplyDeleteWhat the HECK, Mom and Dad?!?!?
Dan
I've made the cheddar biscuit recipe that's on the box of Bisquick and it's not far off from the Cheddar Bay. And it's a drop biscuit, so no rolling and cutting - score.
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ReplyDeleteWhen I was young and highly susceptible to advertising, I really, really wanted to go to a Red Lobster. All you can eat shrimp! The commercials were so tempting. My parents, though, stood firm: no Red Lobster for us. Then I moved to the Northeastern Megalopolis and became more of a food snob, and eschewed chain restaurants. Cut to a year ago, when on a road trip, we stayed across the street from a Red Lobster and I insisted that we finally go.
ReplyDeleteAnd it was terrible. My parents were totally vindicated. Don't you hate that?
We used to be regulars at Seafood Shanty which is now a Whole Foods, don't think they had any special rolls. I think I went to Red Lobster once in Miami, FL when a friend was a waiter there. Don't remember the biscuits though. But I am very partial to the bread at Outback.
ReplyDeleteDo you know, lunch at the Lobster is a good deal - they've got cheap entrees that come with a salad and those biscuits. But the biscuits really are SO easy to make at home - use bisquick, follow the biscuit directions, add a few big handfuls of grated sharp cheddar.
ReplyDeleteAfter they're cooked and out of the oven, brush them with melted butter that has a little garlic powder in it. Boom, three extra ingredients - unlimited RL biscuits, anytime.
Red Lobster was a Special Date in the Metroplex kind of restaurant in my small-town Texass upbringing; if a boy took you there, you knew this relationship was goin' somewhere.
ReplyDeleteBut then I graduated high school, went to New York City for college, had my culinary horizons expanded in dramatic and permanent ways, and didn't give a thought to Red Lobster for at least 18 years.
Two months ago, age 37, pregnant with my second kid, walking across a vast suburban parking lot with my mom and my 3-year-old enroute to a bookstore, I pointed out the adjacent Red Lobster and said something like "Ha ha, Red Lobster, we should go there for lunch!" And as soon as the mocking words were out of my mouth, the craving for those goddamned biscuits grabbed me by the face and would not let go. We lunched there, my friends. The seafood was absolutely mediocre, but the biscuits were divine.
1. Most consistently excellent restaurant biscuit? Popeye's. (Though like Adam, I've never been to the Lobster.)
ReplyDelete2. Last spring, I had a long trial out in Central Long Island. The other side's trial team and I would talk from time to time about survival/coping tactics--they were staying at a hotel where the dining options were basically limited to the Red Lobster across the street. They all noted that they had become sick of Cheddar Bay Biscuits.
I spent 12 weeks on a document review in Warsaw, IN in 1997. We were only permitted into the warehouse from 7:30 to 3:30 every day, and were required to leave the building for lunch for 45 minutes. The only place we could eat in that time frame was the Bob Evans next door. I ate at Bob Evans every weekday for lunch for TWELVE WEEKS. I have not been to a Bob Evans since, and never will.
ReplyDelete