Tuesday, September 21, 2010

SECOND PLACE, UNDOUBTEDLY, GOES TO STING: A few weekends ago I sat on a Cape Cod beach in the aftermath of Hurricane Tropical Storm Well It Rained A Lot Earl with frequent commenter Chuck and his family, as well as the sconstants and others, and I forget how we got to this topic but we started singing Toto's 1983 number-one hit "Africa" and couldn't help but wonder: is there a worse metaphor in all of pop music than "I know that I must do what's right -- as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti."

Seriously. What, exactly, is a mountain's elevation (in comparison to another mountain) supposed to tell us about a decision to pursue a woman? Add to that the decidedly sub-Dylan cramming of syllables into the verse, and as admittedly catchy as the song is musically the whole damn thing just makes no sense. Is there worse out there?
Posted by Adam at 8:28 AM

21 comments:

  1. Matt9:13 AM

    I have also seen the lyric transcribed as "sure as Kilimanjaro rises like a leopard above the Serengeti," which doesn't make any more sense, but relieves the comparative objection.

    As for awful lyrics, the "winner" is and always will be Dog's Eye View about midway through verse 2 of 90s hit "Everything Falls Apart," (1:30 in the video)--"No, the devil's not in the details.  The devil is in my pants."  We can be thankful M. Night Shymalan didn't go there for his new movie.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nowhereman9:48 AM

    Can we disqualify The Beastie Boys from this conversation, whose lyrics are usually at least 50% intentionally terrible similes and metaphors ("use a microphone like Shazam use tights" being one of my faves)?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marsha9:48 AM

    I've always assumed that there was some sort of wager involved. "Here's three words no one can fit into a single song and still have it become a pop hit: Kilimanjaro, Olympus, Serengeti. Bonus points if you can get them all in the same line."

    ReplyDelete
  4. randy9:59 AM

    A friend and I decided that the worst lyric of all time is The Killers' "We're burning down the highway skyline on the back of a hurricane that started turning when you were young."  It's like a sub-sub-sub-par Springsteen madlib.  (And we're both fans of The Killers -- this conversation happened at a Killers concert!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Matt Thompson10:58 AM

    I dunno. I think Air Supply's creepy song "Making Love Out of Nothing At All" has a pretty odd metaphor with its football refrain:

    I can make the runner stumble
    I can make the final block
    And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
    I can make all the stadiums rock

    I guess it kinda sorta of makes sense in an "we're in a stadium rock band" kind of way...but only if you just turn off your mind after that though. I mean, I don't think the song is about a football player because the video certainly didn't make it seem that way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Bryan11:06 AM

    Maybe this is too obvious, but what about Every Rose Has Its Thorn?  Specifically, the third line in the refrain:

    Just like every cowboy, sings a sad, sad song.

    ReplyDelete
  7. isaac_spaceman11:47 AM

    Every Rose Has its Thorn is a work of unparalleled genius, you philistine. 

    ReplyDelete
  8. The Pathetic Earthling12:01 PM

    On this front I've always been very partial to one bit from BOC's Burning for You:

    Time everlasting
    Time to play 'B' sides
    Time ain't on my side
    Time I'll never know

    (1) If you have time 'everlasting' you probably don't need to explain that you *also* have time to play B-sides.  
    (2) And maybe this is an item for another thread, is there a B-side other than "(Hey Hey) What Can I Do" [A: Immigrant Song], on which we really need to spend eternity?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tarynista1:28 PM

    I was just thinking this morning of "I Don't Want to Wait" by Paula Cole and its horrifying line, "Say a little prayer for I." Not a metaphor, but one of the worst cases of eschewing grammar for rhyme.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Steph2:22 PM

    Not a metaphor but you have to love this explanation of the awesomeness of precipitation (I don't have to tell you it's a country song):

    Rain makes corn
    Corn makes whiskey
    Whiskey makes my baby
    Feel a little frisky

    ReplyDelete
  11. Russ3:31 PM

    Your love
    Is like nuclear waste
    Your body
    Is a danger to the human race
    They should stamp "contaminated" right across your face
    Your love
    Is like nuclear waste

    ReplyDelete
  12. isaac_spaceman3:36 PM

    Silverchair, "Tomorrow":  "There is no bathroom and there is no sink/the water out of the tap is very hard to drink/very hard to drink/very hard to drink/you're going to wait too, fat boy/wait 'til tomorrow"

    ReplyDelete
  13. J. Bowman4:52 PM

    Just about anything by Dan Bern, but:

    we live in a different universe
    we live in a microwave
    I think we're invisible now
    I gotta go now, I need to shave

    ReplyDelete
  14. Amy5:39 PM

     Matchbox 20

    I wonder what it's like to be the rainmaker
    I wonder what it's like to know that I make the rain
    I'd store it in boxes with little yellow tags on everyone
    And you can come see them when I'm... done, when I'm done

    ReplyDelete
  15. calliekl7:04 PM

    Man I love this song... I'm so excited, I'm seeing them in a couple weeks with my mom!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Adlai7:58 PM

    You are all incorrect. The only possible answer is Horse with No Name by America.

    "In the desert you can remember your name
    'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain."

    ReplyDelete
  17. bill.8:55 PM

    Lou Reed is pretty good with the metaphors. This one is from Fly into the Sun. Or, being Lou Reed, this may have been a literal image as he was writing.

    <span>The earth is weeping, the sky is shaking
    the stars split to their core
    And every proton and unnamed neutron
    is fusing in my bones

    And an unnamed mammal is darkly rising
    as man burns from his tomb
    And I look at this as a blissful moment
    to fly into the sun</span>

    ReplyDelete
  18. isaac_spaceman9:35 PM

    Dylan:  The sun's not yellow/it's chicken

    ReplyDelete
  19. D'Arcy11:09 PM

    Dave Barry once held a contest to delare the worst lyrics ever in a rock song. The winner was McArthur Park - something about a cake that got left out in the rain, and I don't think that I can take it, cause it took so long to bake it and I'll never have that recipe agaaaaiin.  That's pretty bad.

    That said, I've always hated those Matchbox 20 lyrics Amy quoted above.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Fred App12:06 PM

    How about two songs that are based ENTIRELY on horrible metaphors? I'm thinking of "Vehicle" and "Love is Like Oxygen." I mean, sure, too much oxygen, you get high, too little and you die. But you can say the same thing about so many other items. Why not "Love is like Percocet?"

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hannah Lee11:04 PM

    "I forget how we got to this topic but we started singing <span>Toto's 1983 number-one hit "Africa" "</span>
    <span></span>
    <span>Perhaps you had just finished watching an advance copy of the Community Season 2 premiere?  Check it out:</span>
    http://blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/2010/09/community-video-betty-white-raps-up-the-premiere-episode.html
    <span></span>

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)