Friday, January 10, 2003
WHAT'S MORE, YAO MING NEVER MADE KAZAAM: Is Shaquille O'Neal a racist? According to Irwin Tang, yes.
Of course, Shaq's also bitter at Yao Ming because, for the first time in years, Shaq won't be starting in the NBA all-star game, the expected consequence of the NBA's decision to allow voting from China for the first time.
Indeed, the Chinese-language ballot is available here; for French, Russian, Japanese, Portugese, Serbian and other instructions, here's where you'll want to be.
Finally, to vote in English, click here. Voting ends Sunday, January 12.
Of course, Shaq's also bitter at Yao Ming because, for the first time in years, Shaq won't be starting in the NBA all-star game, the expected consequence of the NBA's decision to allow voting from China for the first time.
Indeed, the Chinese-language ballot is available here; for French, Russian, Japanese, Portugese, Serbian and other instructions, here's where you'll want to be.
Finally, to vote in English, click here. Voting ends Sunday, January 12.
Thursday, January 9, 2003
HOW BAD WAS THAT MOVIE? PINOCCHIO BAD: In response to my question about first computers, one loyal reader writes:
It was Xmas of 1982, I think. I was 9. And under the tree…The TI 99 4A, thanks to my father (who, incidentally, has maintained to this day his tendency to embrace whatever version of the Latest Technology eventually loses the battle for market share. The Commodore 64 came out later that year, whereas TI was months away from giving up the computer business altogether. We were a WordPerfect household too).
Ah, the TI 99 4A. What a machine. A blazingly fast 3 MHz processor. 16K of RAM. “High resolution video”, by which I mean that it used the TV as a monitor. Tape cartridge drive. And best of all, it was pitched by Bill Cosby in full besweatered glory.
As I recall, the idea was that my brother and I would grow up conversant with computers, speaking BASIC like our native tongue, and take our place in the New World Order. I dutifully banged out a few BASIC programs of stupefying simplicity and uselessness, but could never manage to find them on the tape after saving them, which sort of took the fun out of the whole thing.
This is where the embarrassment reaches its peak. The final blow to my father’s dreams of a computer-literate daughter occurred with the 1983 release of “Superman III.” This movie—which was lamer than lame, which actually featured synthetic Kryptonite laced with cigarette tar as the big gimmick--had a scene in which the evil supercomputer sucked in the villainess and turned her into a robot. This image haunted me for, literally, years, and I refused to touch the damn TI for a month lest it, um, turn me into a robot. Yeah. Scarred for life by a movie starring Richard Pryor.
On a happier note, my younger brother maintained a sublime indifference to All Things Computer until he was 12, when the acquisition of a Sega Genesis game system sparked some kind of buried interest. He’s now a grad student at MIT, and he seems to be writing a lot of programs. I’m not really sure what they’re about, since I glaze over 30 seconds into any attempt to ask. I’m not sure what the moral of the story is. Maybe it’s that, when attempting to mold your child, you should try to avoid linking promising career paths to images of devouring enslavement. At least, not explicitly.
Wednesday, January 8, 2003
25 VS. 1: Given how many people have come here to see what I said about Joe Millionaire, I figured I'd better have something to say about The Bachelorette, which debuted on ABC tonight.
But I really don't. With the exception of FOX's Bachelorettes in Alaska last summer (there was really nothing else on -- and the show did feature salmon-catching and ax-hurling), I've never found any of the reality-dating shows to be that compelling. I'm not interested in watching people deceive themselves into thinking they can fall in love with a stranger in a matter of days; I'm not interested in reality shows where there's not a real venue for back-biting and other forms of nasty behavior. I guess part of it is that when a show really just relies on a binary choice (I love her/I love her not), it's hard to "play along" at home and figure out how you'd be doing things differently from the contestants.
The Bachelorette, in theory, I guess is supposed to be all about our reactions to seeing the genders swapped. Okay: it was kinda cool seeing guys squirm and tense up as they worried about being among the fifteen chosen by Trista from among the initial 25. But beyond that? Seeing one woman taking the opportunity to hook up with a bunch of guys who are all living together isn't new or shocking -- that was my sophomore year in college. Nothing scandalous or interesting there.
No, the only interesting part is that since they cast as The Bachelorette the woman who had been dissed in the finale of the first season of The Bachelor, a large number of the twenty-five male contestants signed up specifically to meet and woo Trista herself. It put this weird stalker-ish tone on the whole program -- "Hey . . . I saw you on that show, and you were real hot, and that guy was a dick, and I knew as soon as I saw you on that show that I wanted to date you," etc. Like, shouldn't she be bothered by this kind of attention?
Apparently not. Most of the stalker-ish guys have made it onto the next round. I, however, probably won't: watching people fall in "love" in a contrived setting just doesn't do it for me.
Nor, for that matter, did CBS' Star Search, which just reminded me that I never watched it the first time it was on either. Unlike American Idol, it's not going to have the intensifying drama of seeing the same group of people back week after week, and despite the inspired casting of Ben Stein as a judge, seems to have none of the acidic Cowell-Jackson sting in the judge's remarks. To the contrary, Naomi Judd, Carol Leifer and guest judge Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, (Chaka Chaka Chaka) Chaka Khan just didn't have anything interesting to say at all to the performers. Seriously, it was all on the level of "you've got a nice voice" and "you were good" -- it was almost as if someone at CBS decided, "well, we've got to let the judges talk, since that's what they did on Idol", but forgot to remind them they they ought to have something worth saying.
It's just a lame-ass talent show, only they forgot to invite the talent. It'll be off television by mid-February, and host Arsenio Hall can go back to hanging out with Chunky A and talk about back in the day, when he used to be funny -- hell, used to matter.
But I really don't. With the exception of FOX's Bachelorettes in Alaska last summer (there was really nothing else on -- and the show did feature salmon-catching and ax-hurling), I've never found any of the reality-dating shows to be that compelling. I'm not interested in watching people deceive themselves into thinking they can fall in love with a stranger in a matter of days; I'm not interested in reality shows where there's not a real venue for back-biting and other forms of nasty behavior. I guess part of it is that when a show really just relies on a binary choice (I love her/I love her not), it's hard to "play along" at home and figure out how you'd be doing things differently from the contestants.
The Bachelorette, in theory, I guess is supposed to be all about our reactions to seeing the genders swapped. Okay: it was kinda cool seeing guys squirm and tense up as they worried about being among the fifteen chosen by Trista from among the initial 25. But beyond that? Seeing one woman taking the opportunity to hook up with a bunch of guys who are all living together isn't new or shocking -- that was my sophomore year in college. Nothing scandalous or interesting there.
No, the only interesting part is that since they cast as The Bachelorette the woman who had been dissed in the finale of the first season of The Bachelor, a large number of the twenty-five male contestants signed up specifically to meet and woo Trista herself. It put this weird stalker-ish tone on the whole program -- "Hey . . . I saw you on that show, and you were real hot, and that guy was a dick, and I knew as soon as I saw you on that show that I wanted to date you," etc. Like, shouldn't she be bothered by this kind of attention?
Apparently not. Most of the stalker-ish guys have made it onto the next round. I, however, probably won't: watching people fall in "love" in a contrived setting just doesn't do it for me.
Nor, for that matter, did CBS' Star Search, which just reminded me that I never watched it the first time it was on either. Unlike American Idol, it's not going to have the intensifying drama of seeing the same group of people back week after week, and despite the inspired casting of Ben Stein as a judge, seems to have none of the acidic Cowell-Jackson sting in the judge's remarks. To the contrary, Naomi Judd, Carol Leifer and guest judge Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, (Chaka Chaka Chaka) Chaka Khan just didn't have anything interesting to say at all to the performers. Seriously, it was all on the level of "you've got a nice voice" and "you were good" -- it was almost as if someone at CBS decided, "well, we've got to let the judges talk, since that's what they did on Idol", but forgot to remind them they they ought to have something worth saying.
It's just a lame-ass talent show, only they forgot to invite the talent. It'll be off television by mid-February, and host Arsenio Hall can go back to hanging out with Chunky A and talk about back in the day, when he used to be funny -- hell, used to matter.
IT'S NOT TV, IT'S MY WIFE'S SHOW: In conjunction with SnarkSpot, I am proud and thrilled to bring you the following announcement, courtesy the good people at Variety Magazine:
For more, the full article is here. In addition, Jen has a Q&A about the deal on her blog. Wh-HOO!
'Sex' Scribe to Make 'Bed' for HBO
HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - HBO has pacted with Emmy-winning "Sex and the City" scribe Jenny Bicks to develop a small-screen version of "Good in Bed," the best-selling Jennifer Weiner novel about female and family relationships.
The sitcom will revolve around 28-year-old Cannie Shapiro, a size 16 single gal living in Philly and dealing with her dysfunctional family, an annoying ex-boyfriend, a late-in-life lesbian mom and the struggles associated with being a big woman in a size 2 world. Her character will be a wedding photographer, and Bicks hopes to use that angle as the jumping-off point for many stories.
Bicks said she was attracted to the project, still in the early stages of development at HBO, because of the character of Cannie.
"She's real and funny and smart -- a Lane Bryant Mary Tyler Moore who's trying hard to make it," she said. "It's an amazing opportunity to put a real, fat woman on TV. We're not talking about someone's who 10 pounds overweight."
Cannie will not be a loner but rather someone "who's smart and funny, has lots of friends -- and she has sex, sometimes good sex. But it's not a show about sexcapades.". . . .
For more, the full article is here. In addition, Jen has a Q&A about the deal on her blog. Wh-HOO!
Tuesday, January 7, 2003
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE CREDIBILITY OF THE 2003 GRAMMY AWARD NOMINATIONS IS CONTAINED IN THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE: Accused child molester R. Kelly received more Grammy nominations (one, for Best R&B Performance, Male) than Wilco did for Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (zero), despite its being heralded by every music critic on the planet as being among the best rock albums of 2002.
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