WELL, AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T POSE NUDE, WHICH OF COURSE WOULDN'T BE ILLEGAL, BUT STILL, SOMEHOW, THAT'S WORSE, I GUESS: American Idol's Trenyce, a/k/a Lashundra Cobbins, apparently has faced judges far more powerful than AI's Simon Cowell in her past.

That's what happens when you're arrested on felony theft charges, after all.

AMERICAN IDLE: This week's LA Weekly goes ballistic on Lance Corp. Joshua Gracin, United States Marine and American Idol finalist, for remaining in sunny California to pursue personal fame while others at Camp Pendleton have already been killed while fighting in Iraq. The Weekly's guns are equally directed at the Marines themselves, for allowing him to stay on the show for their own p/r purposes. It's not pretty.

(And he's going to be eliminated before Clay and Ruben anyway.)

IMBECILIC SWILL: With all the attention this blog paid to Friday's releases of Cuba Gooding's Boat Trip and Gwyneth Paltrow's View From The Top, I may have confused the refuse that congeals to the bottom of a barrel with the bottom of the barrel itself. Rex Reed of The New York Observer explains that the new Lawrence Kasdan/Stephen King movie Dreamcatcher may, in fact, be the worst of them all:

Just when you say, "I’ve seen the worst movie ever made," and I respond, "No, I’ve seen the worst movie ever made," the garbage truck rolls around again, dumps off a horror called Dreamcatcher and makes liars of us all. One of the most pathetic things I witness in this job is so-called movie critics who knock themselves unconscious trying to analyze incoherent babble (even when they clearly despise it) just because it’s written or directed (usually both) by people with inflated reputations. These jerks always land in quote ads, and as sure as there’s Christmas and taxes, you can bet some deluded ticket-buyer will shell out good money just to see how "fantastic" or "beyond belief" it really is. Like a two-headed donkey, Dreamcatcher is that kind of freak show. Among the people I write for, I can’t think of anyone self-loathing enough to sit through this lumbering piece of imbecilic swill. It’s my job to tell you about these things, and sometimes this job, as the kids these days and all of the characters on TV sitcoms are so fond of saying, really sucks the big one.

. . .

The reasons I didn’t bail after 10 minutes are simple: It’s based on a book by Stephen King, it was written by William Goldman and Lawrence Kasdan, and it was directed by Mr. Kasdan. All three of these guys have turned out their share of trash, but despite their bloated reputations, they have also been responsible for enough serious film work to pay attention. So I approached with a bit of respect and a great deal of cautious curiosity. The beating I got in return was not deserved. Only a 12-year-old on crack could tell you what this rotten movie is about. All I can do is tell you what I saw. . . .

The horror, the horror.

THE MANAGEMENT APOLOGIZES: We're having that Blogspot Archive bug again. Sorry. Will get the archives back up as soon as the technology allows me.

AQUAMAN -- IT'S NOT JUST FICTION ANYMORE: Who needs the French when we've got trained dolphins on our side?

"WHAT GREATER GIFT FOR A MOTHER?" Acclaimed photographer Sylvia Plachy, writing about her son Adrien Brody, Oscar winner, in this week's Village Voice.

MASCOTMATCHER 2003: For years, my good friend Charlie Glassenberg has attained a startling level of accuracy in forecasting the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament simply by analyzing the strength of each school's mascot. He's good, and it works.

We at Throwing Things are therefore proud to be the exclusive Internet provider for Charlie's 2003 predictions for the Sweet 16 round. Enjoy:

MIDWEST

Wisconsin Badgers vs. Kentucky Wildcats: the sharptoothed wildcats shall devour the bristley badger. New shaving brushes for everyone! Kentucky.

Marquette Golden Eagles vs. Pittsburgh Panthers: the talons of the raptors shall put that black cat down. These panthers won't anther. Marquette.

WEST

Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. Arizona Wildcats: I have lived in Boston long enough to know what "fighting Irish" can do when they're angry enough. Back to the litter box, kitties. Notre Dame.

Duke Blue Devils vs. Kansas Jayhawks: forget the V Corps, Saddam, Duke is the "Great Satan" you should beware of. They will knock out the Jayhawks like a bad case of West Nile in a crow roost. Duke.

EAST

Oklahoma Sooners vs. Butler Bulldogs: What is a butler bulldog - some ugly mutt that brings you your slippers and then hovers, obsequiously, until it is sent to pantry? Oklahoma.

Syracuse Orangemen vs. Auburn Tigers: Like their Dutch namesakes, the Orangemen will stumble about helplessly, like a bunch of stoned Eurotrash in wooden shoes. Auburn.

SOUTH

UConn Huskies vs. Texas Longhorns: the overweight young men of Connecticut will be gored like so many Yankee rodeo clowns. Texas.

Maryland Terrapins vs. Michigan State Spartans: The austere Peloponnesians will defeat the dawdling turtles from the land of Lord Baltimore. Call it "My Big Fat Greek Rout." Michigan State.