SOUVENIRS, NOVELTIES, PARTY TRICKS . . . Everyone likes to have mementos of important events that have touched their lives and, failing that, souvenirs from trivial gatherings that were nonetheless exciting and widely attended. (I'm thinking of the drumsticks in my closet labelled "Fishbone" and "RHCP", respectively, and bearing dates from 1992-93.) We anchor ourselves to moments of significance by consecrating objects as relics; reminders not only that we were there but of what it was at that moment to be there. To this end we buy t-shirts, take pictures, or smuggle found objects out of more or less secure locations. (Please. Yes you have.) Such objects have particular power when the events they commemorate are difficult for us personally -- making the act of consecration more serious, even controversial if the events are complicated or painful for some or all of us collectively.

The potential for controversy is particularly acute when those consecrating the relics are agitants or advocates who intend to deploy them as symbols in ongoing campaigns of political or spiritual re-organization. To do so is, in effect, to work a kind of sorcery that propagates a less-than-fully theorized sympathy for the consecrators' preferred perspective on issues related -- or entirely unrelated -- to the event the symbols commemorate. There is accordingly, in every such deployment of symbol, the potential for tendentious profanity and bad faith on an order of magnitude proportional to the depth of feeling evoked in each of us by the event or issue symbolized.

Those of us who are wary of partisans and the social power of symbols and relics are left to watch anyone who would deploy mementos and reminders in this way and wonder: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch? If we accept your symbols, what else will you ask us to do?

NEXT WEEK ON FOX: Celebrity Boxing -- Liza Minelli v. Jack White! And, on the undercard -- Jason Stollmeister v. David Gest! Catch the post fight hype from the last bout on BunsenTV.

I HAD BEEN BETTING ON "LITTLE CLETUS": Congratulations to long-time TT fave Will Ferrell and his wife Viveca, currently celebrating the birth of their first child, Magnus Paulin Ferrell, born early Sunday, weighing 8 pounds, 12 ounces.

No word on whether Dr. Steven Poop was involved.

VIACOM CRUSHES ITS HEEL ON SHANDI'S NECK; (NO) FILM AT 11: I can't tell you how upset I am by this news:

UPN ordered Tyra Banks, the show's executive producer and host, to cut out portions of next week's episode - which has been highly promoted as "the orgy" episode.

The group grope happened late one night in Milan, Italy where four of the show's up-and-coming models were working on the show.

The contestants invited four young men they met there up for a party and nature apparently took its course from there.

"Next week's episode contains material that UPN felt was inappropriate for broadcast," said a source close to the show. "They asked the producers to edit it down - it exceeded what would've been appropriate for broadcast."

So, let me get this straight: it's okay to show Janice Dickinson on-air ("Savvy"? You named your daughter Savvy?), but not this? We can't see Shandi getting her Italian swerve on?

You have no idea how much Jen has been looking forward to this episode.

THE QUESTION IS NOT WHERE I'M BUYING IT, OR HOW LONG IT WILL LAST. THE QUESTION IS HOW FAST: When the band that provided the title for this blog releases its first video DVD compilation, including a tour documentary among its four-plus hours o'content, we here are sure to let you know.

Superchunk's Crowding Up Your Visual Field, including the rarely-seen "Throwing Things" video, is now in stores, and by all accounts, it kicks appropriate ass:

Fifteen years of steady songwriting, touring, and DIY rock living has surely provided Superchunk with enough video footage to pack a box set of DVDs, but the band instead squeezes a cargo van full of material onto one disc. . . .

Those performances serve as a reminder that Superchunk has survived this long for a reason: For 15 years, it's made bedrock-solid, passionate music that these visuals might entertainingly augment, but will never truly improve.

One correction: the Garofalo/Cross video is "Watery Hands", which you can view online (among others) here.

OKAY, ONE MORE THING: Last night's AI Wild Card Show was decidedly meh. I find myself almost in complete agreement with Mr. Cowell -- these people are pageant and talent show singers, not future pop stars, and the only metric on which to evaluate them is within this highly constrained sphere of Idol-ness, because, objectively, they ain't that good.

George Huff amused me last night. I don't care that he looks damn near forty -- he's got the kind of charisma and upbeat energy that make him this year's most worthy successor to the Clay Aiken geeky-charm crown.

TWO TRIBES: I don't really have anything this morning, but, hey, since when has that stopped me?

So I'll let you provide the content: choose your side in the brewing war pitting the forces of Starbucks Nation against a surging Dunkin' Donuts army bent on claiming the latte crown.

Also, just posing the question gives me an excuse to link to one of my favorite SNL skits, so, there you go.