WIGGLE 'TIL YOU VOMIT FIRE: The Palm Beach Post went list-crazy on the music scene last week -- 50 worst songs by great rock and roll artists (re U2's "Numb": "At the time, people probably enjoyed the avant-garde-ness of it all," muses Jonathan Tully, but, um, no, we really didn't), 50 greatest rock intros (no "Crazy Train"?), and the 50 best (and worst) songs with "rock" in the title, a list which, shockingly, omits Freddie Jackson's "Rock Me Tonight". Go figure.

I AM THE GIRL YOU KNOW SO SICK I CANNOT TRY: I hate to repeat myself, but the Courtney Love saga has clearly transitioned from occasional schadenfreude to something really sad and desperate, and I would much rather everyone left her alone for a few years -- or forever -- to clean up her life rather than have to read more articles like this.

I don't find this stuff amusing any more. Poor Frances Bean.

STAY CLASSY, BLOG READERS! "Anchorman" has a lot of funny stuff in it, to be sure, but it suffers from a key problem--it feels like a sketch. There's no real plot momentum or growth in any of the characters, and hell, there's not really that much of a plot at all. Most of the characters are one-dimensional (albeit funny). It's a sharp contrast to "Mean Girls," where Fey makes clear that she has learned how to structure a story while still letting her do her thing. Ferrell and Co. are just throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks. Fortunately, a lot of it does, and that portion of it that does is quite funny--just don't go in expecting a plot.

I WANT TO BE YOUR MAN IN MOTION: I was looking at VH1's list of "Awesomely Bad Songs", and while some of the choices decidedly hold water, I want to suggest two they missed without good reason.

First, while "Broken Wings" does appear on the list, this song simply must be replaced by Mr. Mister's other (bigger) hit, "Kyrie." What truly makes it hysterical is taking the somber Latin chant "kyrie eleison" ("Lord have mercy upon us") and turning it into a power-pop hook, with the following chorus:

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

Unintentional hysteria and inappropriate fist-pumping ensues. (I'm also reminded of the alumnus of my undergrad who proudly announced in the alumni magazine's "class notes" that he had recently finished his graduate dissertion, "Winger-ed Migration," which lamented the death of the "Power Ballad" in American music.)

But the truly most awesomely bad song ever? That honor is reserved for John Parr for the "classic" "St. Elmo's Fire (Man In Motion)." (Not to be confused with the instrumental "Love Theme From St. Elmo' Fire," subsequently covered by John Tesh.) Powerful 80s keyboard riff to start song followed by "wah-wah" guitar riff? Check. Random shouting of title of movie in which song is featured? Check. Painful over-emoting by singer? Check. Lyrics with inane inspirational phrases like "Play the game! You know you can't quit until it's won!?" Check. Unforunate potential venereal disease reference at end of song ("I can feel it burning!")? Check. Yeah, and I've got it on my iPod.

In the category of "strange music," though, I think the topper is the version of "Rainy Day Women #12 and #35" that showed up on the radio when I was tooling around New Jersey last weekend. Apparently, Dylan's repeated references to "getting stoned" were deemed inappropriate by the artisst who was covering it, so instead, the artist substituted "tortured" for "stoned." Somehow, the lyric "everybody must get tortured" lacks a certain suitability for a relaxing weekend.

NERD ALERT: Last year, we introduced you to Sho Yano, the 12-year-old college graduate set to enter the joint MD/PhD program at The University of Chicago.

A year later, the Chicago Tribune Magazine checks in on Yano, and while I'm generally opposed to advancing kids this far beyond their years, a fellow prodigy makes a good point:

Balamurali Ambati graduated from high school at 11, earned his bachelor's degree in biology from New York University at 13, graduated from Mt. Sinai School of Medicine in New York at 17 and went on to a residency at Harvard in ophthalmology. He's still listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the youngest person ever to become a doctor.

As in Sho's case, Ambati and his parents were harshly criticized all along the way. "The hardest part about it was convincing people to let me do it," he says. "There was a lot of administrative inertia. A lot of people didn't want this to happen . . . . When people win an Olympic gold medal at 14, they're celebrated," he observes. "But excellence in academics unfortunately is not valued."

Meanwhile, other former prodigies quoted in the article have used their talents towards other ends.

WE INTERRUPT OUR NORMAL PROGRAMMING TO BRING YOU THIS UPDATE: From Bashman comes the sad news that a person you've probably never heard of (unless you're as a big an Establishment Clause geek as I am) has passed away--Sidney Schempp. Schempp has one and only one claim to fame--she was the plaintiff in Abington School District v. Schempp, the 1963 Supreme Court case that struck down mandatory bible reading in schools. Sadly, her name isn't as well-known as other plaintiffs who made their way to the court, like Ernesto Miranda, Clarence Earl Gideon, and Linda Brown, but the case contains one of my favorite judicial opinions of all time--Justice Brennan's concurrence. Scroll down in that report, and read it--it's longer than the majority opinion, but it's passionate, scholarly, and well-reasoned--everything that a judicial opinion should be. You can almost feel Justice Brennan's struggle between the principles of law and his own committed Catholicism leap off the page. It's the kind of writing I wish we had more of today on our federal bench. Return to snarkiness will follow later this afternoon.

PUTTING SOME SPRINGA IN YOUR RUMP: Despite all the early outcry, it's official: UPN's "Amish In The City" reality program debuts in three weeks.

Are thee excited? You know, the irony is that none of the principals -- or their families -- are going to be able to watch this show.