FRAMPTON COMES ALIVE IN AN INAPPROPRIATE PLACE: I've had a problem with the "trend" (mostly evident among young women) of having words on the back of pants/shorts for quite a while (examples here). Sweetie, just because it says "Hottie" on your rear doesn't make you a hottie. That's why I'd like to thank Peter Frampton. Frampton has sued a clothing manufacturer which is making "The Frampton Bikini." The bikini features Frampton's face "on the rear" and the phrase "Baby, I love your waves." It was apparently made without Frampton's consent. Honestly, though, do you want this on your rear? I don't think so.

Also, I must note the immortal exchange between Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham) and her mother, Emily (Kelly Bishop) when Emily unexpectly comes for a visit to see Lorelai in her Juicy Couture jeans:

Emily: You have the word "Juicy" on your rear end.
Lorelai: Well, if I knew you were coming over, I would've changed.
Emily: Into what? A brassiere with the word "Tasty" on it?

Such a shame those two (and the writers) aren't nominated.

FAR FROM PURR-FECT: Not to turn into Rotten Tomatoes here (though that's maybe not a bad idea in light of its recent acquisition), but we simply must share certain bon mots about Oscar-winner Halle Berry's new flick, the pre-ordained disaster "Catwoman."

So what does Mark Holcomb of The Village Voice have to say about it?

This plodding, by-the-numbers superhero flick has all the feline grace of a walleyed mastiff.

And EW's Owen Gliberman?

A third-rate spectacle that's been worked over by too many hacks.

Perhaps the topper? A.O. Scott's opening line in The New York Times (which, somewhat bizarrely, reviews today):

"Catwoman," which opens tomorrow nationwide, achieves something I would not have thought possible. It made me think back fondly on "Garfield."

Scott doesn't have anything nice to say about Berry's performance in the movie, either:

She overacts Patience's flaky timidity and then, to compensate, overdoes Catwoman's suave self-confidence, swinging her hips and pushing out her lips as if she were trying to attract the amorous attentions of Pepe le Pew.

I think it's safe to say that I'll be passing on this one this weekend, though my sister, who actually saw "Gigli" in a theatre, might want to go with this one.

NERD ALERT: If you haven't had enough of Jeopardy! God Ken Jennings, here's a collection of his unique video signatures.

AS LONG AS WE DON'T HAVE TO SEE 'KAZAAM': Speaking of Shaq Daddy Diesel Fu-Schnick, the self-proclaimed "Millennium Goliath" dropped some serious bon mots at his Welcome To Miami press conference yesterday:

On buying a home in South Florida: "I will be walking naked on the beach. If you take pictures of me naked on the beach, don't sell them to the Enquirer unless I get 15 percent."

On being 32 years old: "I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities - I'm proven to be good. I've still got five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years left."

On his charity endeavors: "I'm going to feed homeless people on Thanksgiving. I'm going to drive a big truck to certain neighborhoods and pass out toys, good toys. I'm one of the only athletes that sells good-looking shoes at a reasonable price. I was in Orlando and a lady came to me crying. I was like, 'What's wrong? She said, "Your shoes, they cost a $115. And I kind of had to sit back and say to myself: Why would I ask my father to buy a pair of shoes that cost $115. He probably would've punched me. My parents always taught me to give back. You're going to see Shaq-a Claus. Shaq-a Bunny."

How fun will this season be? Says the Big Aristotle: "Get your tickets now. Buy cable now. Get your jerseys now. Pull your boats up to the docking stations now. Bring your Sea-Doos now. If you can't afford a Sea-Doo, get a raft. If you can't afford a raft, go to Wal-Mart and get the blow-up raft like I got at my house."

ALSO, MS. STEWART DID NOT HAVE A CAMEO IN 'MALCOLM X': So, is Martha Stewart like Nelson Mandela? The Wisconsin State Journal has the tale of the tape, a form you know I'm fond of.

Via Althouse.

WELL READ OR RED IN THE FACE? I thought that being an English major as an undergrad, while not providing me with a skill that could ever earn me six figures, would at least have saved me the embarrassment of only having read five books on this list of 50 Essential Reads by Contemporary Authors put together by the organizers of the UK's Orange Prize for Fiction.

How many have you read? What book should be on the list? And what book from the remaining 45 (cross off Nos. 2, 18, 24, 29, and 31) should I read next?

Link via Blog of a Bookslut, where there are also some interesting items about some sloppy editing in Jim DeRogatis' new book.

HOPE FOR THE AMERICAN PENAL SYSTEM: According to this article, when the Hawkins County (TN) Jail neglected to lock the cell doors, 4 inmates left the jail, walked down the street to buy beer at the local market, and then came back. Now, maybe this is where Martha Stewart wants to be sent.