FIRST THEY TOOK AWAY MY FERMENTED BEAVER TAIL . . . . And now The Man is saying that I can't eat my wild bear tartare anymore.

In news related to my favorite recurring MMWR issue, congratulations are again due to Dean Katairoak of Barrow, Alaska, for claiming his second straight muktuk eating title at the World Eskimo-Indian Olympics:

Winning allowed Katairoak to quiet his trash-talking uncle, who had predicted he would knock off the defending champion.

"I wasn't going to let him win," Katairoak said. "As soon as I saw him stick the last piece in his mouth, I stuck mine in my mouth and swallowed it hole. As I was standing up, I was swallowing and a second and a half later he stood up."

After eating up the field at WEIO, Katairoak of is hungry for more. He has his sights set on other major eating events like Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest.

Kobayashi: you're next.

WHO AMONG US DOESN'T LIKE NASCAR? Here's a question I want to throw out there to all around--what on earth is "Saturday Night Live" going to do for humor with this Presidential election? Especially in the last few years, they've reduced political figures to one note characterizations. Bush=stupid. Cheney=mean/evil genius. Gore=stiff. Lieberman=stiffer. Clinton=lech. Edwards=slick. But what can you do with John Kerry? Not that he hasn't had his share of bizarre moments (like the space suit from earlier this week, and, of course, the grand question mentioned in the title (I don't, BTW)), but there's not a single trait there that's really crying to be caricatured.

So is "SNL" going to bring us fresh and smart political humor again, like, say, the infamous 1988 debate sketch with Jon Lovitz as Dukakis getting on a "lift" behind the podium? Or are we going to get even lamer, more one-note sketches than we've been getting before? I hope for the former, but expect we're going to get the latter.

On a related note, I already thought Natalie Portman was gorgeous and smart, but this exchange with Diane Sawyer during a promotion interview for "Garden State" on "Good Morning America" makes me love her still more:

Diane Sawyer: Now if I'm gonna talk to you, you're gonna have to hold flowers here in front of the John Kerry (T-shirt). We can't just have John Kerry the whole time. Who do we bring in for equal time?

Portman: Come on, you've got The O'Reilly Factor. That's on television; that evens it out! I love John Kerry! I just think he has the perfect combination of compassion and intelligence and composure under pressure and I'm just a huge fan.

Portman stuff from IMDB.

THE VILLAGE IDIOT GAMBOLS ABOUT, AND 'GAMBOLING' IS NOT A WORD I TAKE LIGHTLY: This morning, Roger Ebert reviews The Village. On M. Night Shyamalan's ending, he writes:

To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore.

Oof.

YET MORE RECKLESS POLITICAL SURREALISM:  Yes, MTV is covering the DNC, and sadly, I'm going to miss the coverage, which starts in just a few minutes (still at the office).  Tonight's coverage appears on "Direct Effect", MTV's hip-hop show, originally hosted by "Teck $" from "Real World: Hawaii," and features commentary from the perverse odd couple of Ana Marie Cox, editor of Wonkette, and dweeby blogger/American Prospect writing fellow Matthew Yglesias.  No word yet on if Ruthie and Amaya will be providing additional coverage or if Sparky The Wonder Penguin will be appearing to provide commentary.

NO RESPEK: If you haven't been watching "Da Ali G Show" on HBO, well, I can't imagine that any of you have been missing the funniest show on TV right now (I write this before tonight's premiere of the new Jeff Foxworthy vehicle).

Assuming you have been watching, you'll recall how last week one of Sacha Cohen's alter ego's, Kazakhstani TV reporter Borat interviewed Mississippi congressional candidate James Broadwater. It seems candidate Broadwater was none too happy with the result. Sam Donaldson, interviewed in the Season 2 premiere, has a much better attitude about being duped, but then again, he, unlike Broadwater, did not condemn all Jews to an eternity spent as Satan's minions.

Link found at TV Tattle.

INAPPROPRIATE MUSICAL CUE OF THE DAY:  Watching tonight's live Democratic National Convention, did anyone else notice that perhaps it wasn't the best idea to have Catherine Edwards march out to the Black Eyed Peas' "Let's Get It Started," the original version of which is "Let's Get Retarded?"  And Catherine, just a note--there's at least one Single Straight Democratic Male in NYC who's more than willing to show you around once you move up here--even in spite of all that Secret Service protection.

Added--Oh, it gets worse--after Papa Edwards' speech, yes, we roll out the Black Eyed Peas to perform the song with a special bonus--yes, middle aged white Democrats attempting to shake their groove thangs to the beat.  The only thing more frightening would be Dick Cheney swaying to "Where Is The Love?" 

GOOD REALITY TV, YES. BAD REALITY TV, NO: Joe Schmo exec producer Rhett Reese, on reality tv as a genre:

At its finest, the genre is crackling with energy - unpredictable, funny, emotional, fascinating. The best of these shows will not be forgotten. Keep in mind, ninety percent of every genre [   ] is still crap. That’s why new genres suffer more intense criticism than old genres; by virtue of being new, they’re subjected to greater scrutiny, and that ugly ninety percent becomes exhibit A. Pretend for a moment, that sitcoms were born yesterday, and today’s offering of sitcoms were the only evidence being examined to judge the art form. Do you think sitcoms would fare any better in the minds of critical-minded people than Reality TV?

It's a good little essay, with which I agree pretty much 100%