BIGGEST COMPLAINT? GENERAL LACK OF A********G: Ana Marie Cox branches off from her day job with this book review of Kristin Gore's "Sammy's Hill," which I finished on Friday. I liked the book better than she did, finding the excess of quirkiness and wonkiness appealing rather than a turn-off, but Ana Marie's snark shines through, even if she doesn't get to use her favorite word.

THE DUDE ABIDES, AND HE ALSO CAMPAIGNS: Yes, it's the endorsement you've been waiting for. Jeff Dowd, the man on whom Joel and Ethan Coen based "The Dude" in "The Big Lebowski," has strongly endorsed John Kerry. Apparently, Kerry gave him a bearskin rug that really helped to hold the room together. This looks to be almost as helpful as Ashton Kutcher's endorsement of John Edwards.

ANNOUNCERS WORKING OVERTIME: The guys calling tonight's big Miami-Florida State game will have their work cut out for them according to this list of great first names culled from the teams' rosters by Ben over at Snap Culture. While you have to love Craphonso Thorpe on the FSU side, with a Lovon, Quadtrine, Sinorice, and Calais, Miami wins the Name Game, at least.

WELL, BETTER THAN THAT SILLY BOCHCO SHOW: Well, apparently, New York is now "five minutes ago," and Philly is "in." It starts with The Real World: Philadelphia, with its inexplicable 70s logo saying "Philadelphia" in a font reminiscent of something you might see on a Funk Brothers album circa 1972. I hven't watched, but if we're lucky, they'll wreck as much havoc as their predecessors have. More frighteningly, there's news of a planned reality show following reporters for the "Inquirer." Yes, cameras following folks on their trips to Pat's and Geno's will make for fascinating TV every time, as we learned in 2000. And while I have no opinion between Pat's and Geno's (having never visited either), I'm a firm believer that the provolone is preferable to the Cheez Whiz.

"MY PENIS IS GROWING EVERY SECOND:" So what important lessons did we learn from Donald Trump's alleged televised MBA this week? Red pants look good on no one, especially when accompanied by spats. Canes are not a particularly appropriate fashion accessory. Raj may, in fact, be the new Sam. Choosing a "fruity-tooty" name for your company will not endear yourself to the Donald. Just because a product name rhymes does not make it a good idea. Carolyn Kepcher still rules. Yep, "The Apprentice" is back, and it still doesn't suck.

More shockingly, neither does "Joey," though I suspect LeBlanc's "so, so stupid" routine will wear thin quickly, and the supporting cast isn't nearly as sharp as the one Kelsey Grammer benefited from on "Frasier." Anything that gets Jennifer Coolidge on TV sets, though, is A-OK with me, and Drea De Matteo is showing something of a gift for comedy. I'm worried about the "sexy neighbor" character, though, given that she's helplessly generic thus far.

BETTER THAN TALKING ABOUT "MAN ON DOG" WITH RICK SANTORUM: Sen. Joe Lieberman, best known for making Al Gore seem like a whirling cyclone of charisma four years ago and for coining the unfortunate phrase "Joe-mentum" during his unsuccessful presidential campaign earlier this year, paid his own tribute to his state's own ESPN yesterday in a speech that concluded: “I think the most fitting one-word tribute I can use to close a celebration on the Senate floor of ESPN's first great 25 years is to say simply and enthusiastically: Booyah.” Booyah, indeed, Mr. Lieberman.

RES IPSA LOQUITOR: A scheduling highlight from Philadelphia Live Arts Festival & Philly Fringe Festival:

Wally Joyner Was Not My Monkey
In 1986, Wally Joyner was a phenomenon, clubbing 22 home runs and leading the California Angels to within an inch of the World Series. The same year, Courtney Love narrowly missed landing the role of Nancy Spungen (she instead scored a bit part) in Sid and Nancy. Both of these tragic figures missed greatness at the outset of their careers and sputtered in mediocrity ever after. If only they'd had each other to lean on. See what could have been in "Wally Joyner Was Not My Monkey," a display of low-budget, Punch and Judy-style puppetry where Courtney falls in and out of love with Wally.
Sept. 17, midnight; Sept. 18, 7:30 p.m. and midnight; free, Upstairs at Tattooed Mom's, 530 South St., 30 min.

Up next: Mike Witt meets Apollonia.