DUMB, RANDOM QUESTION OCCASIONED BY THE UMPTEENTH AIRING OF 'THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT' ON CABLE: So what, exactly, has Aaron Sorkin been doing over the past year-and-a-half since being fired from The West Wing?

AND THEY SAY ACADEMIA DOESN'T PRODUCE ANYTHING USEFUL: Yes, Yale has hosted the first conference (that I know of) devoted to the study of Michael Jackson. I couldn't make up titles of the papers presented, which include "White Ambition: Michael Jackson, Racial Erasure, and Aesthetic Surgery," "Should Adults Be Allowed in Neverland?: Michael Jackson, Fantasy, and the Problem of Pedophilia," "Feeling Like a Woman, Looking Like a Man: Michael Jackson, Grace Jones, and the Transgendered Erotics of Voice," and, my favorite, "Call Me Kiki: Little Ricky Martin, Menudo, and the Legacies of Little Michael Jackson, 1983-1989," which bridges the emerging fields of Ricky Martin-ology and Jackson-ology.

OUTWIT, OUTPLAY, OUTSUE: The Seventh Circuit has affirmed a lower court's decision that CBS's sale of SURVIVOR soundtrack CDs and merchandise does not infringe on "Eye of The Tiger" band SURVIVOR's trademark. It's a pretty straightforward (and, in my view, well-reasoned) trademark law opinion, but I post here because of the closing paragraph in the opinion by Judge Diane Wood, which begins:

Sullivan, through his band Survivor, has been fortunate enough to have a
successful rock band, succeeding in a business where many fail. CBS,
through its show Survivor, has (for better or for worse) revolutionized the
world of reality television.

Glad to know that's the law of the land somewhere.

THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES. Russell Albion Meyer, filmaker, originally of Oakland, California, has passed away from pneumonia at the age of 82. As you'd expect, The Times has a tasteful and appreciative obit.

Better though, Roger Ebert has also published an enjoyable rememberance that offers excellent detail about Meyer's professional career, some real emotional context and human insight into the man, as well as testimony to his continuning influence on popular culture and some account of Meyer's aesthetic sense. Ebert notes, for example, that Meyer "once told me there was no such thing as a sex scene that couldn’t be improved by cutaways to Demolition Derby or rocket launches." Doubtless those are words to live by, though I've never personally dated anyone who appreciated me leaving the TV on or futzing with the remote control during critical moments of intimacy.

As I am ill-equipped to add meaningfully to the rememberances of Mr. Meyer I offer my humble thanks to him for leading the charge to reclaim titillating social satire from accusations of simple depravity, and in tribute, share that a dean emeritus of the political science department at a certain Massachussets college allegedly referred to him as "The Fellini of Porn". Rest in peace.

Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls are (I hope and trust) available at better video stores nationwide.

FORTUNATELY, GARY GILMORE IS NOT INVOLVED: I shouldn't be surprised to hear this after "The Simpsons" has gotten guest-star appearances from Stephen Hawking and Tony Blair (among others), but Norman Mailer will appear on "Gilmore Girls" later this fall. He'll play himself as a guest at the Dragonfly Inn. No word on whether Rory will wax eloquent over "Harlot's Ghost" during the course of the episode, but I'm betting we can count on some reference to either "The Naked and The Dead" or "The Executioner's Song."

PEACE TRAIN, MY ASS: Wondering why Cat Stevens constituted such a security threat that he had be denied entry into the United States? Well, a quick comparison of an Al Qaeda training manual found in Manchester, England, and Stevens' "Father and Son" reveals some eerie parallels:

Stevens: It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy.
Al Qaeda: [The member] should have plenty of patience...He should be patient in performing the work, even if it lasts a long time.

Stevens: You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know.
Al Qaeda: The nature of hard and continuous work in dangerous conditions requires a great deal of psychological, mental, and intellectual fitness, which are not usually found in a minor.

Stevens: From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Al Qaeda: Listening...is expressed by how the member obeys the orders given to him. That is what our religion urges.

WHERE I CAN BE ME, AND YOU CAN BE SUED: Radosh has fallen behind in his coverage of all things Huckapoo, so we must fill in the gap by looking to the trademark office. Soon, we'll have to put that (R) symbol behind "Huckapoo," at least on some goods. They're still fighting on this one and this one. Frighteningly, that last application is owned by "Huckapoo, Inc.," which may or may not be related to "Kids Incorporated." However, the band may be in trouble, because someone already owns the trademark HUK-A-POO, which is perhaps in even poorer taste than the band name, and could lead to all sorts of mess.

And to satisfy Radosh's other frequent obsession, we note that this month's "GQ" features what are apparently new and exciting Lohanboobie pictures--sadly, no links are yet available.