HERE TO PREVENT CONFUSION: As a public service, we provide this simple guide to the differences between Huckapoo and "I Heart Huckabees," which can cause all sorts of problems.

Huckapoo: Reminiscent of a more inane version of the Spice Girls.
Huckabees: Reminiscent of a more inane version of a Wes Anderson movie.

Huckapoo: Filled with teenage girls giggling.
Huckabees: Filled with adults laughing at people being hit in the face with a red rubber ball.

Huckapoo: Features "Groovy Tuesday" and "Twiggy Stardom."
Huckabees: Features Isabelle Hupert and Naomi Watts.

Huckapoo: Suitable for families, at least based on their appearance on Disney Channel soundtracks.
Huckabees: Rated R for "language and a sex scene."

Huckapoo: Features teenage girls dressed in scanty clothing.
Huckabees: Features Naomi Watts dressed in scanty clothing.

Huckapoo: Inexplicably beloved by Radosh.
Huckabees: Contains inexplicable cameo from Shania Twain.

Huckapoo: Want "me to be me, and you to be you."
Huckabees: Want all to understand that we're just part of one big blanket.

Huckapoo: Proclaim that "you have conquered all my thoughts"
Huckabees: Suggests that clearing head of thoughts is healthy and can be done by repeatedly hitting yourself in the face with a red rubber ball.

Huckapoo: Not actually all that good, but nonetheless highly entertaining.
Huckabees: Not actually all that good, but nonetheless highly entertaining.

Hopefully, this clarifies.

"I'M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR MONKEY": If you read no other link from this blog today -- and that'd mean you're not wasting enough time -- but, seriously, Jon Stewart on Crossfire today with Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson? Wow:

STEWART: I would love to see a debate show.

BEGALA: We're 30 minutes in a 24-hour day where we have each side on, as best we can get them, and have them fight it out.

STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great. To do a debate would be great. But that's like saying pro wrestling is a show about athletic competition.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Jon, Jon, Jon, I'm sorry. I think you're a good comedian. I think your lectures are boring.

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: Let me ask you a question on the news.

STEWART: Now, this is theater. It's obvious. How old are you?

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: Thirty-five.

STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.

. . . .

CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

Stewart tries to have a serious discussion about the responsibility of news organizations and the difference between true debate and "theater", and Tucker Carlson is utterly, totally flummoxed. It's beautiful.

A DARK DAY FOR DRAFTNIKS: ESPN is not renewing the contract of ol' Helmet Hair, Mel Kiper, Jr.

BIG PURPLE DINOSAUR BUSTED A CAP IN YA: Like Alanis, Justin, and Britney, our little Barney grew up. And dude is bad. You need sound; if you're in the office keep it low.

TSATHOGGUA IS PLEASED: While Kelly Clarkson's off selling millions of records and Clay Aiken continues his question to become Liberace for a new era, Broadway has become the home to "American Idol" rejects. First-season loser Tamyra Gray will join the (allegedly jaw-droppingly awful) "Bombay Dreams", which includes the ever-popular song "Shakalaka Baby." Curly-haired moppet and brief possessor of the Eeeeeee! Justin Guarini starred in the most recent workshop of Broadway-bound "Good Vibrations," and while his casting is not confirmed, he may well be making his way to the Great White Way soon in this "musical featuring the songs of the Beach Boys." Rejects Frenchie Davis and Vanessa Olivarez have made their way into "Rent" and the Toronto production of "Hairspray," respectively.

In good news for Guarini, who'll be Tony eligible if he makes it into the show, Anika Noni Rose managed to overcome her appearance in "From Justin To Kelly" and score a Tony win for Best Featured Actress in a musical earlier this year. Maybe Justin will perform similarly. Somehow I doubt it.

WE MIGHT JUST WANT TO HOLD OFF ON THAT TWAIN AWARD: Co-written by William H. Cosby Jr. Ed.D., and starring absolutely no one of lasting importance, the trailer for the movie FAT ALBERT is now online.

(In a nutshell: remember that Brady Bunch movie, when it was funny to take tv characters from the 1970s and plant them in the present day? Now, just try it with no-longer-animated black people!)

It will only be redeemable if the Brown Hornet makes an appearance.

WHY I LOVE THE NO-FUN LEAGUE: It's little nuggets like this:

Cincinnati wide receiver Chad Johnson shipped bottles of Pepto-Bismol to Cleveland's starting defensive backs with hand-written notes saying they could use the gifts to settle their queasy stomachs before facing Johnson on Sunday.

Y'see, I am a fan of taunting, preening, excessive celebration and all sorts of exuberant behavior on the gridiron, and not just because its foremost practicioner currently suits up for the Iggles.

Sports are supposed to be fun. They connect us to our childhood. So let athletes show their joy -- whether via strutting, Sharpies or group celebration -- and if the other team gets pissed off, great: they've just got to do better on the field next time.