NELLIE'S GOT THE ST. LUNATICS -- I'VE GOT POOTIE TANG: Few comedians are as insightful or introspective about their craft as Chris Rock is, and this Onion A.V. Club interview proves it again. Here's part of his discussion of his breakthrough Bring the Pain HBO special:

By the time I got to Bring The Pain, I felt like I had a point to prove. I addressed it like it was it, that it might be the only shot I'd get, and I just learned to be relevant. I wanted to really, really make the most of it. And the fact that I was kind of out of show business helped, because that was all I had to do. No movies on the side. No TV. Just hit the road.

Right before I did Bring The Pain, I'm in Atlanta in the Buckhead Mall, buying underwear. And who do I bump into but Andrew "Dice" Clay. And he's buying underwear, too, because we're comedians. We're both from that Sam Kinison school of comedy where you get on a plane with a toothbrush and your coat and you just go. Buy clothes when you get there. So we start talking, and he said, "You're doing an HBO special? Watch Rocky. It'll all come back to you." I'm not going to sit here and talk here about Dice like he's Lenny Bruce or anything, but the guy did get more out of an HBO special than just about anybody in the history of cable. So I watched Rocky, and it did all come back to me. It was weird. Of all the guys to bump into. . . .

Tim McCarver told a story about Steve Carlton. Every now and then, they'd be playing a game, and they'd let certain guys get a hit early in the game because they knew the guy wouldn't try as hard later. That was me. I'd write something funny, and then I wouldn't try as hard the next week on the show. So with Bring The Pain, I just tried to shake all of that shit. I just tried to do the best work I'd ever done.

Worth your time, as the A.V. Club always is.

LIKE A ROLLING STONE? Well, you're not alone, because the Dylan classic has just been named the No. 1 Song of all time by--who else?--Rolling Stone. Rolling Stones get more love, with the group nabbing the No. 2 spot with "Satisfaction." The rest of the top 20, as determined by a blue-ribbon panel of artists and critics: 3. "Imagine" 4. "What's Going On" 5. "Respect" 6. "Good Vibrations" 7. "Johnny B. Goode" 8. "Hey Jude" 9. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" 10. "What'd I Say" 11. "My Generation" 12. "A Change is Gonna Come" 13. "Yesterday" 14. "Blowin' in the Wind" 15. "London Calling" 16. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" 17. "Purple Haze" 18. "Maybellene" 19. "Hound Dog" and 20. "Let It Be." The whole list isn't up yet, but according to various news reports, No. 21 "Born to Run," No. 69 Roy Orbison's "Crying" and No. 169 REM's "Losing My Religion." "I Got You Babe" comes in at No. 444.

Other highlights from the list of 500: The Beatles lead all artists with 23 songs, followed by the Stones (14), Dylan (12) and Elvis (11); the most recent song is 2003's "Hey Ya" at No. 180, with Eminem's "Lose Yourself" (166) and "Stan" (290) being the only other songs on the list from this millennium; 202 of the songs come from the 1960s, 144 from the '70s, and 55 from the '80s; and No. 500 is Boston's "More Than a Feeling," 491 spots behind the song that heavily borrows its guitar line.

KARL MARKED: Having single-handedly convinced 130,000 or so Ohioans that John Kerry intended to allow homosexuals the right to buy Ohio State season tickets, Karl Rove appears to be the front-runner among the short list of candidates for Time's Person of the Year. Beyond Rove, a blue-ribbon panel of Person of the Year judges including itchy blogger Andrew Sullivan, Al Sharpton, and Brian Williams, are said to be considering Michael Moore, Mel Gibson, God, Mohammed, the Terrorist, and Bloggers (!?!). The money here is on Rove, but let us know who you think deserves the honor.

IS THAT A SHARPIE IN YOUR JOCK OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME? The NFL is shocked -- shocked! -- that ABC inappropriately mixed sex and football by running a Desperate Housewives promo featuring Nicolette Sheridan jumping naked into Terrell Owens's arms. According to the NFL, the promo was "unsuitable for our Monday Night Football audience." The NFL heartily disapproves of all female sexual objectification that distracts from the overtly homoerotic action on the field.

In completely unrelated news, you can now order your 2005 Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders Lingerie Calendar (featuring: little or no lingerie) on the Eagles' web site. Other lingerie, swimwear, or just plain wee costume calendars and paraphenalia available through NFL.com. Don't forget to visit our sponsors, Coors Light (official panderer of the Coors Light Twins) and Miller Lite (proud sponsor of catfights).

NOW THAT'S CROSS-PROMOTION: The IcelandAir website tells you everything you need to know if you want to visit Iceland and "trace the race" yourself.

I remember reading somewhere that last season's trip to The Philippines was as a result of lobbying from the country's tourism bureau, and I don't have any quarrel with that. Where they send the Racers has no impact on the outcome (save some kind of 'I grew up there' thing, though that didn't Racers in consecutive final legs), and it's not like they're going to send people anyplace uninteresting or non-photogenic. No matter how much lek they send Bertram van Munster, the Race isn't coming to Albania anytime soon . . .

H.O.P.E. IS ON THE WAY: Fair readers, I give you H.O.P.E. (that's the "Horrifed Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment"). Among H.O.P.E.'s recent activities?

1. Offering an exchange service for owners of "low entertainment quality" CD's from Ashlee Simpson and other comparable artists for "one of a higher entertainment quality" courtesy of Rhino Records. Given that I (sadly) own a copy of Creed's "Human Clay," can I trade it in and get "Smile?"

2. Protesting Paris Hilton's book tour, with the slogan of "Read a Book, Don't Write One!" Other signs waved included "Why Are You Famous?," "Prose Before Ho's," and "You Can't Buy Brain Cells."

3. And, yes, protesting to make sure viewers were informed about the low quality of the film "Taxi."

More information is available in this news article. Suggested future targets for H.O.P.E. seem likely to include "Christmas With The Kranks," the new book and Christmas album from Clay Aiken, and all things relating to VH1's series "The Surreal Life." You know of things that H.O.P.E. should target? That's what the comments are for.

DUDE, YOU LOOK LIKE A SMURF: Oh, it's good to have The Race back. Without giving too much away to our West Coast friends, here's some of the highlights of Episode 6.1:

--All that driving time just meant that there was plenty of time for us to see the teammates interact with each other. Smart thinking.

--I've never hated a reality competitor as much as I hate Entrepeneur Jonathan right now. He and his wife are to TaraWil what TaraWil is to Chip and Kim.

--As amusing as "It's so cold, my implants are frozen!" was to hear, there are no words that stir a Race fan's memories quite like "Do we need diesel or gas?"

--I'm so glad to see Survivor Vanuatu's Rory back in a reality competition so soon. Dude needs a belt, however. Seriously.

--The Yield appears to be gone. No FF shown in this leg, either, but that's not unusual for leg one. No Road Block, though? Odd.

--As far as The Team That Got Eliminated is concerned, they took the road less traveled by -- literally -- and that made all the difference. Almost every stage of the competition is about Not Being Last, which means Not Fucking Up And Taking Stupid Risks, and they did that, twice, and earned their early exit.

There's no one I'm particularly rooting for, yet. Maybe Team Hellboy. You? And any other observations or proposed team nicknames, the floor is yours.