PLAY BALL: ESPN gives us this list of the 100 Greatest Sports Movie Quotes of All Time. Note that the quotes must be about sports, but need not be from a "sports movie," hence explaining the substantial presence of "There's Something About Mary" on the list. I'm still not sure why "Wax on, wax off" winds up far lower than "Sweep the leg!," or why Susan Sarandon's opening monologue from "Bull Durham" about the "Church of Baseball" doesn't make the list, but it's worthy of discussion.

I'LL JUST NOTE THAT HE NEITHER MENTIONED 'CHILL FACTOR' NOR THAT DAMN 'QUILT' MOVIE: Hollywood Elsewhere's Jeffrey Wells has seen the Pitt/Jolie vehicle Mr. and Mrs. Smith and, um, yeah:

It's Charlie's Angels 2 bad, Xanadu bad, Hook bad, Howard the Duck bad. It's soulless, unfunny (except for some of costar Vince Vaughn's lines), bombastic, totally sterile and inhuman. Did I leave out hateful?

I don't want to go over the top here so let me take a breath and step back for a minute or two and collect myself. (Beat.) Okay, I've done that...fine. I'm calm. I'm breathing easy. This movie has cancer of the soul. It made my skin crawl.

Let's talk about Brad Pitt, shall we? As correctly explained in the new Esquire, he does not belong in leading roles at all:

One of this summer's big event movies, an action comedy called Mr. and Mrs. Smith, stars Pitt as one of "the world's most deadly assassins." That's already a mistake. Under no circumstances should Brad Pitt be cast as a superlative. The essence of Brad Pitt is detached insouciance; he's most interesting to watch when he doesn't seem to give a shit. About 14 years after he first achieved stardom, Hollywood still doesn't understand that Pitt is a brilliant goofball prankster trapped in the body of a Greek god. As Achilles, he's a magnificently sculpted statue, beautiful and boring. But turn him into a Waspy analogue to the young Elliott Gould—the shambling, apathetic buffoon—and he'd be funnier than Sandler and Ferrell.

Seriously: 12 Monkeys and True Romance? He's fantastic. Eating his way through Vegas in Ocean's 11? Plenty of fun. But Meet Joe Black and A River Runs Through It? Yawn.

Brad Pitt is much more successful as a celebrity than as an actor; does anyone see a movie just because he's starring in it? I guess we'll find out.

MINERALS, ICE DEPOSITS DAILY, DROP OFF AN UNDERPERFORMING MIDDLE RELIEVER: Who knew that Pavement's Stephen Malkmus was a fantasy sports enthusiast?

(Alternate titles for this post included "Darlin' Don't You Go And Cut Al Leiter, Do You Think It's Gonna Make Him Change?" and "With A Goal Line Stand On 4th and 2 I Hope It's Not A Vulture-Back".)

WHERE'S THE LOVE FOR "ACCORDING TO JIM?" For some reason, the Television Critics Association uses a not-particularly attractive Blogger blog as its press portal to announce the nominations for this season's TCA awards. The TCA loves the slightly quirky, and nominates this year both "Rescue Me," and my newfound addiction, "House" for "Outstanding Achivement in Drama," and surprises by nominating Matthew Fox, Kristen Bell and Hugh Laurie for "Individual Achievement in Drama." Most amusingly, "The Daily Show" is up for 3 awards you'd expect (Program of the Year, Outstanding Achivement in Comedy, and Outstanding Individual Achievement in Comedy for Jon Stewart) and one you wouldn't. Yes, "TDS" is competing against "60 Minutes Sunday," "Frontline," "Nightline," "Meet The Press," and "Newshour with Jim Lehrer" for "Outstanding Achievement in News & Information." Yes, fake news and real news have joined hands and are dancing around.

A GAME OF HORSESHOES? I really shouldn't be watching Hit Me Baby One More Time -- shows that exist in order to be snarked on aren't nearly as much fun as those which produce such reactions unintentionally.

But I've gotta ask: is that the original Old Guy for Arrested Development, or did they just hire someone else to perform the hip-hop equivalent of That Guy In A Ska Band Who Doesn't Sing, Doesn't Play An Instrument, But Just Dances Around And Provides The "Vibe"?

(Also, v. upset that the Flock of Seagulls lead singer has gone from new wave up-dos to hiding under a baseball cap.)

THE ORIGIN IS ARAMAIC, AND IT MEANS "PRINCE OF THE DEVILS AND RULER OF THE INFERNAL REGIONS": I swear I'm going to get around to reviewing every single one of the new fall shows. For now, though, I'll just pitch a show that I want to watch. Today's topical proposal:

Helling Bee: A crafty demon named Dr. Jacques Ba'ally has hatched a plan to open the gates of hell by having a virgin (known as "the Phoeneticist") spell a magical incantation at the finals of the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Four demographically diverse prepubescent outcasts from various important Nielsen regions, plus one from Jamaica (an unimportant Nielsen region, but one known for its broad comic appeal), have been mysteriously chosen to save the world by defeating the Phoeneticist at the Bee -- but first they must overcome obstacles (poverty, parental pressure, learning disabilities, crippling social maladjustment, local and regional tournaments) to spell like the wind! And there's a catch: while the five heroes and the Phoeneticist are each mystically aware of each other and of Dr. Ba'ally's evil plan, neither they nor we know which of them is Dr. Ba'ally's pawn. Also, each of the spellers has an impossibly hot parent or sibling (possible casting suggestion: Aishwarya Rai as a single mom?). Pitch for a Friday - Sunday 8 p.m. time slot.

ONE MORE TIME, VIA SHONDA RHIMES: Unfortunately, we didn't notice this email earlier today (it ended up in the Bulk file by accident). But if you can return yourself to the halcyon days of 12:15p eastern, earlier today, before Our Hero Samir finished second, appreciate this, because I can't keep it to myself:

It's official. I'm in love. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love...

...I'm in love with a wonderful boy.

If you want to get all show tune-y about it.

I'm in love with Samir Patel. Yes, Samir is only 11 years old. So I'm not in love in a creepy Mary Jo LaTourneau-go to jail-plan a wedding-kind of way. No. I'm in love with the Speller within Samir.

Like the other most brilliant spectacle on TV, America's Next Top Model, the Bee gives you many pretenders and one clear contender. On ANTM, it's all a lot of ordinary tall leggy girls who need to eat something and one extraordinarily tall leggy girl who needs to eat something -- so it's not that kind of edge of your seat ride that the Bee is. The Bee shows you many, many decent kids -- all nice spellers, all hard workers, all dressed in the same uber-geek style (not a pair of low-riding pants in the bunch). But then it always gives you a rock star.

Samir is a Spelling Bee rock star. All style, plenty of substance, just enough showmanship to make you sit forward on the edge of your seat when he steps up to the microphone. Samir is the stuff of Spelling Bee dreams. Someone over at ESPN will be crying tears of joy when (and I guess I should also say "if" -- but come on, he's not gonna lose this thing) Samir makes his way to the final championship round.

There are others who had potential. Laura Ann Brown from Alabama who is awkward in that "I'm a thirteen year old girl who is almost 5'9' and tortured daily so I spell to keep from crying" kind of way. But she's also tall and leggy and on her way to being the kind of girl Tom Cruise would pretend to date. I adored her for her bad glasses and oddly Amish A-line skirt -- she reminded me of me. But she froze and went out on "tropholytic" -- a word I can neither spell nor pronounce.

There was Horton Hears A Who Boy: an adorable over-pronouncing, over-enunciating wonder who stopped between syllables of his word to turn his head and whisper into his clenched fist as if he had a tiny person in there to talk back to him. He's a future corporate titan. You can just tell. If only he could get that tiny person out of his hand....

We should also keep an eye on Evan O'Dorney age 11. At least he says he's 11 but he looks like a cuddly toddler. He's tiny and precious and he's spelling his ASS off.

And then there are the heartbreakers. Like the sweet Indian kid Nidharshan who went out in Round 5 because he'd never heard of "muesli". You could practically hear him shouting at his parents: See? I TOLD you I should be allowed to watch television!!

Favorite exchange of the day thus far? #7 Levi Foster, age 14. He was given the word "nuchal".

Levi: Can I have the definition?

Bossy But Cute Dr. Jacques Bailly: Of or relating to back part of the neck.

Levi: Can I have any alternate definitions?

BBC Dr. Jacques Bailey: It also means situated on the back of the prothorax of an insect immediately behind the neck.

A beat of silence. Then:

Levi: (deadpan) That's...helpful.

The audience roared.

I can not wait for the next round to begin.

Shonda, is there a chance that one of the Grey's Anatomy doctors will reveal herself to be a former Spelling Bee whiz? A patient, perhaps?