REMEMBER GERVASE X: A short illustrated history of Survivor spoilers.

SUE ME, SUE ME, PUT BULLETS THROUGH ME: Once or twice a season, Matt Stone and Trey Parker come through with a South Park episode worth everyone's watching. This week's "Trapped in the Closet", featuring Stan's exploration of Scientology while Tom Cruise and John Travolta refusing to vacate his enclosed bedroom clothing recess, despite R. Kelly's encouragements . . . yeah, this one's worth setting your TiVos for.

Speaking of TiVo settings, a few Turner Classics worth your time: Sunday features Henry Fonda and Barbara Stanwyck in The Lady Eve at 6pm, perhaps the greatest romantic comedy ever, followed by Harold Lloyd's Safety Last at 8pm, which indeed features the most famous shot in silent film comedy history. And Wednesday morning, starting at 6am, it's five straight Marx Brothers movies, culminating with Duck Soup -- which I think is the most laugh-packed movie of any during the pre-Mel Brooks era, and also feels pretty relevant given our present circumstances.

But first? Watch the South Park.

THIS BLOG IS A VAMPIRE, SENT TO DRAIN: Our DeRo [Heart] Uncle Fester Watch continues with the most bizarre shoehorning yet -- a Kanye West concert review in which the Sun-Times' Jim DeRogatis calls West "as much of a notorious perfectionist and workaholic as fellow Chicagoan Billy Corgan". Whuh?

IN WHICH CONFIRMATION FOR THE TITLE OF THIS POST REVEALS TO ME THAT THE GUY'S NAME WAS "BIG BONES BILLY" AND NOT "BIG BALLS BILLY", WHICH IS HOW I ALWAYS HEARD IT: GOP Senate leaders have refused to allow a vote on a resolution by Sens. Corzine and Lautenberg to honor Bruce Springsteen on the 30th anniversary of "Born To Run".

Groaner two-error quote from our nation's only bearded Senator, however: "We'll never surrender looking for ways to honor our local hero, who made it big in this land of hopes and dreams."

(Better/worse: "Though I had reason to believe this resolution was just around the corner from the light of day, we found living proof that I might have to prove it all night with a filibuster to ramrod this bill, but that's the price you pay if we should fall behind having a Senate majority which operates under a code of silence."

NO, CORN DOGS AND COOL RANCH DORITOS ARE NOT "FANCY CHOW:" So, the Broadway revival of Sweet Charity isn't doing so well, so what's the solution? Bring in Britney! And more frighteningly, bring in Kevin Federline as a dancer.

IT'S METATASTIC! Anyone for an episode of television that is, in fact, about the television show you're watching? For that's exactly what one of the next episodes of Arrested Development will be. The episode, titled "Save Our Bluths" (after a fan campaign website), revolves around the efforts of the Bluth family to get the Home Builders Organization to put up money to save their company, and when that fails, George, Sr. notes that "I guess it's showtime. We'll put on some kind of show." One potential piece of good news--if AD is actually dead, and Fox is willing to release Bateman from his contract, I think Bateman would be very good in one of the lead roles on Studio 7.

FOR A NECESSARY FOLLOWUP: As a sequel to the TV's Five Nerdiest Characters list that TV Squad provided and we heavily supplemented, the folks at TV Squad have now offered up their list of the Five Most Accurately Portrayed Geeks on Television. And once again, I have the utmost confidence in our collective abilities on this subject. Seth Cohen in the pre-Summer days? Ralph Malph? Who ya got?