HAS ANYONE ALERTED LARS VON TRIER'S LAWYERS? Because this oddly-titled ointment was displayed prominently at my local pharmacy today.

BUT WILL TREAT WILLIAMS PLAY A SMARMY AGENT IN THE MOVIE? Bill Carter, author of the much loved chronicle of "who's getting The Tonight Show?" The Late Shift, has a new book in May following the 2004-2005 TV season--Desperate Networks, which will apparently focus on how all the networks responded to ABC's two unexpected smashes of last season--Desperate Housewives and Lost. It sounds a lot like David Wild's excellent The Showrunners, which followed the heartbreaking end of NewsRadio and its adjustment to life after Phil Hartman, the premature death of Veronica Mars maven Rob Thomas' Cupid, and reminds us that David Kohan and Max Mutchnick were once actually funny.

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD, WHAT IS THERE MORE HANDSOME? GULPED, SWALLOWED, OR CHEWED, STILL WORTH A KING'S RANSOM: I'm not one for adding to the blogroll, but thought I'd mention a couple of interesting newish blogs for those who are interested in food and wine. Eric Asimov, the wine critic for the New York Times (and former author of the always excellent "$25 and Under" restaurant column) and Frank Bruni, the NYT's restaurant critic for the last couple of years, are now blogging about their particular areas of expertise.

Diner's Journal has thus far included an interesting melange of topics ranging from preliminary reviews of new restaurants (most recently A Voce and Buddakan Comes to New York), coatcheck tipping policies, and the glory of brussels sprouts (hallelujah!) to the NYT's policy on re-reviewing restaurants, a food-related book review, and so forth.

The Pour is similarly wide-ranging: personal thoughts on legendary wine critic Robert M. Parker, Jr., a review of an Alsatian restaurant with an excellent beer list, a diatribe on the mediocrity of certain restaurants' wine lists and the creativity of others', and an ode to an aged Rioja rosé.

Interesting stuff on both blogs -- bon appétit! Or should I say salut?

IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT, YOU GOTTA LITIGATE IT: "[I]nstantly recognizable household name and much-admired actor" Randy Quaid has sued the producers of Brokeback Mountain, claiming he was misled into accepting a small paycheck for an "art film," when the film was in fact a studio release. As far as I know, Quaid has not yet sued the producers of Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure for representing that it would be a "good and entertaining film."

THE BRICKS STOPPED THERE. At the Smithsonian National Air & Space Museum, there is (or used to be) a beautifully rendered, scratch-built 1/100 scale aircraft carrier on the upper floor, off to the right. This, however, is the greatest model of an aircraft carrier I've ever seen. Made entirely of Lego. And to Legomen scale.

YOUR FIRST CHALLENGE? REVIVE HUNTER: Applications for the new reality show we like to call "Who Wants To Write Think-Pieces About Midlevel Bands Struggling With Their Limitations In The Face Of Stardom?" are now online.

WE'LL MEET 'NEATH THAT GIANT EXXON SIGN THAT GIVES THIS FAIR CITY LIGHT: New to the blogroll, and deservedly so, are blogs from two columnists from the Newark Star-Ledger who are both on quite a roll lately: Matt Zoller Seitz and Alan Sepinwall.

F'ristance, just check out this comment thread from Zoller Seitz on the most recent Sopranos episode, which glides from dream interpretation to My So-Called Life to determining who was the unsung hero of Homicide: Life on the Streets. (Can I put in a word for Barnfather?) Good stuff, yo.