HE WAITED HIS WHOLE DAMNED LIFE, TO TAKE THAT FLIGHT: En route to a well deserved placed in Canton, Ohio, John Madden took an airplane flight for the first time in 27 years.

I just hope this isn't the end of the Madden Cruiser.

Noted from comments: Reading comprehension is hard! Madden just walked onto the plane, he didn't fly on it. The Pathetic Earthling regrets the error.

IN MY LIFE, THERE'S BEEN HEARTACHE AND PAIN: I don't know what your visions of hell include, but mine do encompass a new Clay Aiken covers album with such "hits" as Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings", Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is"; Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do (I Do It for You)"; Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting" and Bad English's "When I See You Smile".

Go ahead. Suggest another song that'll make it even worse. (Or, I guess, that's his audience.)

MY NAME'S LITTLE CLETUS, AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU A FEW THINGS ABOUT CHILD LABOR LAWS, OKAY? I am not much a fan of the genre, but I ought to let you know that the new horror film 'The Descent' is getting some awfully nice reviews, including this rave from Ebert fill-in Jim Emerson:

"The Descent" -- what a great title. This British horror-thriller recalls grueling, adrenaline-pumping classics like "Deliverance," "Jaws," "Alien" and "Dead Calm." It's that good. Finally, a scary movie with teeth, not just blood and entrails -- a savage and gripping piece of work that jangles your nerves without leaving your brain hanging. And so, for a change, you emerge feeling energized and exhilarated rather than enervated, or merely queasy. . . .

This is the fresh, exciting summer movie I've been wanting for months. Or for years, it seems.

My film priority this weekend, however, is a return date with Will Ferrell. You?

BECAUSE DOCTORS AND LAWYERS DESERVE EQUAL TV TIME: Two pieces of news that combine the legal and the television, which strikes me as particularly appropriate for our audience (both via TV Tattle, natch):

• CBS will promote Shark (it's like House, but with lawyers and James Woods!) on water coolers in law firms throughout America. Not quite as clever as ABC's Desperate Housewives drycleaning bags, but still, an interesting technique.
• Everwood creator Greg Berlanti's next series (an ABC midseason possibility, perhaps during Grey's time off?) will be "a drama set in a law firm where a thirty-something attorney begins having larger-than-life visions that compel him to do out-of-the-ordinary things." Risky, given that the somewhat similar Wonderfalls disappeared after four episodes on Fox, but I've got faith.

YIPPEE-KAI-YAY: So, are you interested in Live Free or Die Hard, which will apparently be taking on Transformers next July 4? I'll say this--I'd be a heck of a lot more interested if it were directed by someone other than the hackish Len Wiseman, whose Underworld managed to make almost no sense whatsoever. Allegedly, McClane's son plays a major role in this one, and according to this spoiler-ridden review of the script, is a super-hacker. That review suggests Ashton Kutcher, and IMDB has Justin Long attached, I assume for that part. Suggestions for who should play it?

Edited to Add (via Sepinwall)--I guess we can be thankful we never got Die Hard 12.

"IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE A POSTHUMOUS HONOR. NOT FOR A MAN WHO WOULD BE JUST 44 YEARS OLD": Eagles legend Reggie White (who apparently played in Wisconsin for a few years as well) is being enshrined into the Pro Football Hall of Fame tomorrow. We've got team coverage from Philly.com today, and I'll just link back to my reaction to his untimely death in 2004.

PORN STAR, OR EXCELLENT MARINARA? Barefoot Contessa? Or Ron Jeremey? You look at the photo. You guess whether it's a porn star or a celebrity chef. (Pretty much NSFW).