LOOKS LIKE THEY'VE REPLACED LAST YEAR'S "SUCK UP TO J.J." STRATEGY: ABC hasn't announced a schedule yet, but they've said what they're picking up--the sitcoms sound mediocre or worse (seriously, they're picking up "The Geico Cavemen Sitcom?"), and I could do without "Women's Murder Club," which sounds like generic CBS procedural #437, but there's plenty of interesting stuff--two new Berlanti shows (one with Peter Krause and the other with SpyDaddy!), Bryan Fuller's "Pushing Daisies" (with Kristin Chenoweth, Swoosie Kurtz, and Chi McBride), which sounds like it has certain resemblances to "A Dirty Job," and the Joshua Malina/Dylan McDermott/Michael Vartan drama, which I know automatically generates a substantial audience around here. And yes, "Private Practice" got picked up. (Also apparently returning are "Notes From The Underbelly" and inexplicable hit "October Road.")

HALFWAY-ISH DISNEY WORLD REPORT: Things that are awesome:

• Treatment of daughter on birthday throughout the Magic Kingdom. Received special call from Goofy (Are you Lucy, from Philadelphia?) on checking in at Disney City Hall.
• random run-ins with characters outside of Official Greeting Opportunities -- Lucy just happened to wander into Aurora yesterday within minutes of entering the Magic Kingdom
• It's A Small World. Still.
• Fastpass. Why doesn't everyone use it?
• Splash Mountain, the ride.
• Disney's Philharmagic 3-D smell-and-water-o-vision movie. Why aren't all films done in that format?
• Robot Lincoln.
• The stamp-and-tag collecting program at Epcot's world showcase, because otherwise, I don't know what Lucy would have gotten out of it.
• Marrakesh lunch and entertainment
• Princess breakfast -- food good, visits from Jasmine, Belle, Mary Poppins and Aurora even better
• Hoop-De-Doo!
• That Pluto (who Lucy still calls "Poodle") can sign his name.
• Seeing daughter ask for ketchup at the Whispering Canyon Lodge
• Running into a middle school's run-through of Annie's greatest hits at Epcot.

Things that are less than awesome:

• Four-year-old daughter's reactions during Splash Mountain ("I don't ever want to remember this!"), "scary" parts of Philharmagic.
• Somewhat lackadaisical service at some restauarants
• Splash Mountain's reliance on Song of the South characters as its narrative, since no one knows who Br'er Anyone is anymore.
• I get the sense they're still not sure what to do with the non-World Showcase parts of Epcot.
• Robot LBJ and Robot William Howard Taft not built proportionately.
• Excessive promotion of Vacation Club plan, including voicemail message in room.
• My stamina. Two more days!

As you can see, awesome remains in the lead.

THE BRIEF QUESTION ABOUT THE BRIEF HISTORY OF THE DEAD: For anybody out there who's read The Brief History of the Dead, wouldn't the book have been better if the epigraph were at the end? Just seems like letting the reader unravel that part of the mystery would have been nice.

eta: Did anybody read this book?

WE CALL THIS FULL HEARTS: Not only has NBC picked up Friday Night Lights for a full 22 episodes next season, but they've also confirmed that production will stay put in the Austin area rather than moving to Louisana or someplace else to cut costs. NBC'll be running the show on Sunday nights over the summer, which should be a nice time to catch up.

VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT! Tonight's Office had its moments, to be sure, but it struck me that this was more a bridge to get us to next week's finale than something designed to stand alone. Sure, lessons were learned--that Michael doesn't know who Amanda Bynes is, that everybody loves Beach Day, and that sometimes, you just need to tell it like it is. And, we learned that Jenna Fischer got another episode to add to her Emmy reel. So, what's next? Who's getting the job in corporate? Could Pam be getting a rather unexpected promotion? How exactly did they finally find Andy? Talk amongst yourselves on the shores of Lake Scranton.

COLD CASE FILE: MADELINE: The following summarizes my research in the evidence collected in the odd case of the appendicitis cluster in a Parisian girls' boarding school in 1939. While the evidence has been poorly-preserved and is incomplete, I believe that it reasonably supports the thoughts below.

• Fact: The boarding school was "old" and "covered in vines," indicating insufficient funds for routine upkeep, even though matriculants appeared, from well-tailored clothes and gifts of "toys and candy and [a] dollhouse," to be affluent.
  
• Fact: Matriculants slept in an axially-oriented room with "two straight lines" of beds along the long (assumed east and west) walls of the room. Double-doors opening upon a second-story hallway or landing occupied the center of the assumed north wall of the room. A curtained window opening to a balustrade occupied the center of the assumed south wall of the room. See graphics inscribed "and went to bed" (first) and "Little Madeline sat in bed ...."
  
• Fact: The matriculant initially diagnosed with "an appendix," (subj. name "Madeline," aliases unk., blonde, approx. 40" tall per description as "the smallest one") occupies the bed at the assumed northeast corner of the sleeping quarters. See graphic inscribed "Little Madeline sat in bed ...."
  
• Fact: During "Madeline's" time in the hospital, the empty bed is at the southwest corner of the sleeping quarters. The northeast corner bed, formerly occupied by "Madeline," remains occupied (by brunette, approx. 40-44" tall). See graphic inscribed "and went to bed" (second).
  
• Fact: Matriculants again rearrange their quarters, vacating subj. "Madeline's" northeast corner bed and reoccupying formerly vacant southwest corner bed. This rearrangement required complicity of more than one matriculant, since new occupant of southwest corner bed (blonde) is not former occupant of northeast corner bed (brunette). See graphic inscribed "And all the little girls cried, 'Boohoo.'" Assumption: This change was an attempt to escape detection by correcting prior error.
  
• Fact: As described above, alleged doctor's (subj. name "Dr. Cohn") diagnosis of subject Madeline was "an appendix." As most persons are born with appendixes, this is not a known medical diagnosis. It is akin to diagnosing a person with "a muscle" or "some skin." Assumption: "Dr. Cohn" was not actual medical personnel.
  
• Assumption: Headmistress (Subj. name "Miss Clavel") is an unreliable witness. She twice describes waking "in the middle of [the] night," though graphic evidence demonstrates that these events occurred at only approximately 9:55 p.m. See graphics inscribed "In the middle of one night ..." and "In the middle of the night ...." Although Miss Clavel claims to have acted posthaste in both instances, documentary evidence shows an unexplained three-hour gap between Miss Clavel's first awakening and Dr. Cohn's attendance at the boarding school. See graphic inscribed "'Nurse,' he said, 'it's an appendix!'" Documentary evidence demonstrates that before running "fast and faster" upon awakening a second time, Miss Clavel first paused to attend to her appearance. See graphic inscribed "And afraid of a disaster." Subj. Clavel's credibility is further impaired by her failure to notice (or, at least, to acknowledge) the aforementioned bed-shuffling and her refusal to provide information in response to follow-up questions, insisting that "that's all there is -- there isn't any more."
  
• Assumption: Other textual details may be unreliable as a result of compromised investigating personnel. The file is written in uneven meter and inexact rhyme, likely in an attempt to create the appearance of translation from an original French account. Investigating author Bemelmans, however, was American. Note also the Americanized spelling of "Madeline."
  
• Fact: After the initial appendix removal, remaining matriculants demanded removal of their appendixes.

Conclusion: Though the evidence is inconclusive, it is consistent with my working hypothesis that subjs. Clavel and Cohn, possibly in conspiracy with subj. Madeline, ran a black-market organ-sale ring to service substantial debt incurred by failing boarding school. Recommend reinterview of surviving witnesses and investigation of potential proto-Petainisme angle.

THERE IS NO PARETO OPTIMAL SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM: A perennial favorite around here, the 2007 University of Chicago ScavHunt is underway. The list is, as usual, filled with goodies. A few high points:

• #20--A playable copy of Where on the El is Carmen Sandiego? in a medium of your choice. Make sure to include a suitable analog to the trusty Fodor's.
• #47--Trepanation Barbie(TM)
• #79--The GOB-stacle course! Ride a Segway! Wield the sword of destiny! Show us your Hot Cops routine! Eat a frozen banana! Dramatically hurl a letter into the sea, from when it came! Shot lighter fluid from your sleeves! Demonstrate to the Dean of Love that he's a chicken! Cut an album with Franklin! 100 pennies! And if you've got the wrong music, well, you've made a huge mistake.
• #83--Send Phoenix, Edgeworth, and Von Karma to the Law School to raise an OBJECTION!
• #255--The Black Hills are neither black nor hills. Discuss, with the appropriate backdrop.
• #285--Man, this lecture class is so boring. If only a giant pitcher would burst in to distribute fruit punch!