IT'S A CROWD FAVORITE. EVERYONE LOVES A GOOD JAZZ SQUARE: A brief field report to confirm that if you've got kids who want to see High School Musical: The Ice Tour, it doesn't suck.

More specifically: you've got about forty energetic skaters lip-synching all the songs, and kinda-sorta looking like the characters (Chad: spot on; Troy: looked more like David Schwimmer than Zac Efron), and they breeze through the plots and all the official songs of both films (sorry, no "Humuhumunukunukuapu'a") in about 45-50 minutes each. Yes, "Bet On Me" as a furious one-man lutzing solo. Yes, Sharpay's "You Are the Music in Me" with the Sharpettes. Yes, they did "Get Your Head in the Game" while dribbling basketballs on ice.

Okay, some things needed to be cut -- Troy, Gabriella and the Evans' parents; pretty much anything having to do with Taylor; the whole University of Albuquerque thing; Ryan's whole questioning thing; the G-O D-R-A-M-A C-L-U-B-exclamation point; the golfing ... but if you've got a hankering for more HSM in your life, or if you have a child in your house that does, well, as Jen said when Lu and I got home, Disney's smart enough to make sure to not diminish the brand through its spinoff products. And it was not diminished.

SOCIETY'S FAULT, I AIN'T GOTTA JOB. SOCIETY'S FAULT, I AM A SLOB: This fellow likes documentaries and has put together a rather comprehensive selection of his favorites, but has carefully limited his selection to ones you can actually find on VHS and/or DVD.

Alas, no Taking on the Kennedys.

BETCHA DIDN'T SEE THIS ONE COMING . . . THE LEGENDARY MISS BRITNEY SPEARS: Only four days into the new year, and already I can't keep track of what's going on with Britney. I don't think we're quite at the death watch stage, but Elton John might want to get cracking on some rousing "farewell Louisiana's kudzu" lyrics.

As a public service, allow me to make an effort to summarize where I think we stand at the moment (all facts and conclusions subject to further development at a moment's notice).

• January 3, 9:30 am: Britney scheduled to show up for oft-postponed-due-to-attack-of-the-don't wannas deposition, pursuant to court order to get herself deposed during first week of January or else.
• January 3, 11:32 am: Britney shows up, is deposed for 14 minutes prior to prenegotiated deposition termination time of 11:45 am. (Apparently she gave Federline's attorney a bonus minute, extending the terminus to 11:46 am.)
• January 3, noon - 7:30 pm: Apparently distraught by each and every minute of the deposition, Britney spends her previously scheduled court-permitted visit with her kids at home. Unclear whether children participated in Britney's afternoon activities.
• January 3, 7:30 pm: Britney is supposed to turn kids over to Federline's bodyguards.
• January 3, 7:31 pm: Britney turns over exactly one kid (Sean Preston), barricades self in locked bedroom with other kid (Jayden James).
• January 3, 7:32 pm: Bodyguards count children in their possession and realize that they are one short. Bodyguards bang on bedroom door to ask for other child.
• January 3, 8:00 pm: Police are summoned to Spears' house to assist with convincing crazy lady to unlock the door and give her baby to ex-husband's bodyguards. Police report that Britney is incoherent.
• January 3, sometime between 10 -11 pm: Britney persuaded to come out of bedroom -- apparently after ex-assistant Alli Sims broke through bathroom door with hammer and called ambulance. Britney and Jayden taken to hospital in ambulance.
• January 4, 1 am: Britney admitted to Cedars-Sinai. Britney triaged and sent to psychiatric ward without passing go. All clothing and possessions taken away to prevent Britney from harming herself.
• Late night/early morning, January 4: Jayden released to Federline. Britney not released.
• January 4, 8:30 am: Court convenes for emergency custody hearing. Matter adjourned until 1:30 pm.
• January 4, 1:30 pm: Court reconvenes for closed hearing. Britney represented by lawyer who several days ago asked to be relieved as counsel for "impossible" client.
• January 4, 3:30ish pm: Court issues order awarding Federline sole legal and physical custody of both kids. Britney's visitation rights suspended pending further court order. Next hearing to take place January 14.
• Now: Britney still at Cedars-Sinai, apparently sedated and resting. Possibly on 72-hour medical hold. Jamie Lynn Spears still pregnant.

(Too many sources to link to directly, but hat tip to Page Six, TMZ, EOnline, The Sun, and the AP, among others.)

POTPOURRI FOR $200: Everybody in these here parts must be sleeping off the Opening Day (of political season) festivities, but I can't let a full day go by without original, or at least unoriginal, content. So here are some random thoughts, grouped into three categories for ease of reference:

Sports: Some time in the next few days we'll find out that Bert Blyleven has yet again been denied entrance to baseball's hall of fame. There are basically two reasons for this: (1) many voters think that Blyleven just doesn't have enough wins, and in particular 20-win seasons, to qualify; and (2) baseball has an institutional bias against Dutchmen named "Bert." While I agree with the latter, I decided to do some lazy-assed research today, and I found out that during Blyleven's pre-injury period (1970-1980, a period that included his peak), Minnesota, Texas, and Pittsburgh combined to lose an astonishing 50 games where Blyleven pitched at least six innings and gave up two or fewer earned runs (and an additional 36 games where he pitched at least seven innings and gave up three or fewer earned runs). With a better offense and less bad luck, he probably should have won 20 games five times (adding wins for either all of the 2-run 6-inning games or most of those games and some of the 3-run 7-inning games) -- every year from '71 through '75. And then even the idiots who value only W-L records and don't pay attention to run-prevention would put Blyleven where he belonged.

Music: Do you ever wonder what Elvis Costello's first album would have sounded like if he hadn't been stuck with Huey Lewis's awful, noodling, song-ruining backup band?

Apocalyptica: Holy crap, is it ever raining right now.

AT LEAST SHE PROBABLY KNOWS A GOOD LAWYER: I was brainstorming the most ludicrous exploitation flick today. Let's start with a leggy blonde. Let's give her a ridiculous name, something that's a combination of wild-child and serious scholar. How about "Zephyr Cambridge." No, I've got it, "Kumari Fulbright." We'll make her a beauty queen, and then maybe a calendar girl. Wait, a calendar girl for Guns and Ammo, that's beautiful. But her day job is nuclear physicist. Oh, Christmas Jones is threatening to sue? Fine, law student. Let's set her up with a real respectable job, say an externship for a federal judge. Now, uh, let's have her use her feminine wiles to lure an ex-boyfriend -- make him a lecherous, dirtbaggy older man -- to her apartment. Cue disrobing, and then: kidnap and torture. There it is, perfectly fine gore-porn to fill the lull between Saw V: Carbide-Tipped and Hostel vs. Turistas. We'll make a mint, baby.

Oh, I forgot to mention: based on a true story.

By the way, that is an absolute hall-of-fame level mug shot. The camera loves Kumari.

SOMEBODY IS DEFINITELY GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN THE RESULTS OF THIS VOTE: The caucuses are closed, the votes are counted, and the voters are idiots. That's how I read the all-star half of February's Fans vs. Favorites Survivor cast. There are some that will please Miss Alli (Jonathan Penner, Cirie Fields), some that will please the adolescent boys (Parvati Shallow, Eliza Orlins, Amanda Blurrybottom), some that will please Jeff Probst (Gravedigger James, Dolphin Ozzy). And at least one that will please nobody (Johnny Fairplay) -- allowing Dalton Ross to revive the oft-repeated misstatement that he faked his grandmother's death to get ahead in the game. If we're being accurate, he faked his grandmother's death to get attention, resulting in absolutely no strategic benefit. I refuse to believe that people actually voted to put this guy on network television again. Sigh.

I'M STILL WAITING FOR VAN DAMME TO WEIGH IN: Remember that Mike Huckabee/Chuck Norris ad? Well, on the eve of the Iowa caucuses, Mitt Romney has responded with a (web-only) ad claiming that Mike Huckabee is quite unlike Chuck Norris.