TO: EDITORS OF ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Sirs, if I wanted to read a magazine with random portions in reviews in bold to emphasize their importance and which begins each review section with large print telling you what's reviewed, which reduces substantial story to purportedly user-friendly infographics that actually convey no information, and which relegates the George Carlin memorial (by Chris Rock no less!) to way in the back of the book in the "TV" section, rather than with the rest of the "married/birth/engaged" materials, I'd read Us Weekly or People. Please give me back my EW. Thanks.

'Grey's Anatomy': Kevin McKidd in talks to join the show | TV Biz | Hollywood Insider | EW.com

McTHIRTEENTHY: Please, Shonda, can we see Lucius Vorenus, M.D. at Seattle Grace?

THE BOY WHO LIVED: Caleb Potter was supposed to be dead by now. He was not supposed to be marching again in the annual Wellfleet (MA) Fourth of July Parade, one year later.

On July 4, 2007, Caleb marched as he always did with his pirate crew of friends, again, of course, as Yellowbeard. That afternoon, the 25-year-old Owen Wilson look-a-like did something really stupid: riding on his skateboard, he grabbed onto the back of his friend's pickup truck and faceplanted. Hard.

The doctors gave him a seven percent chance of surviving. If he did survive, they said, he'd be in a vegetative state.

To say that this Outer Cape community immediately rallied around this uninsured, self-employed native shellfisherman is an understatement. Quite frankly, I've never seen anything like it. "Pray for Caleb" signs hung and pirate flags flying all over the place. You couldn't go into a restaurant, bar or store without there being a jar up front collecting money to help pay his medical costs. This pirate town of the Whydah kept him front and center of the town's consciousness all summer long with events like "paddle out" rally in the water, twice-daily prayer circles in front of Town Hall, and a ton of fundraisers.

I will confess that early on I had a fair amount of cynicism about the whole thing -- how much sympathy was I supposed to have for a good-looking kid who consciously chose to do a stupid, risky thing? It was a bit like the "Save Ferris" movement in a way, and you wondered if it was a phenomenon that just gained momentum because it felt good to be a part of something.

But it was real, and in this small community the desire it was palpable. You just couldn't help being overwhelmed by the coming-together of all these people around one of their own, touched by the way in which everyone, everyone built this support system for him and his family, in this town where everyone knew someone who was close to him and his family.

And somehow, Caleb kept recovering and worked his tail off in rehab, with his mom's blog charting every step of the way. He lost an eye, and his short-term memory may never be wholly back, and then his father committed suicide ... yes, it has been a rough, awful, terrible year for Caleb and his family.

But there he was today, back in the parade. They didn't make a spectacle of it -- he wasn't the Grand Marshal, they didn't even put him on a float or in one of the classic cars. He just walked as part of his pirate crew, with his friends, right after the pro-impeachment peace drummers and before the crew from the nearby seafood shack tossing candy. Yellowbeard and his crew were back, and on this Fourth of July, all was right in Wellfleet.

e.t.a. Pictures and video via Caleb's mom.

PHILADELPHIA. JULY 3, 1776. EVENING. TO ABIGAIL:

***

[T]he delay of this declaration to this time has many great advantages attending it. The hopes of reconciliation which were fondly entertained by multitudes of honest and well meaning, though weak and mistaken people, have been gradually, and at last totally, extinguished. Time has been given for the whole people maturely to consider the great question of independence, and to ripen their judgment, dissipate their fears, and allure their hopes, by discussing it in newspapers and pamphlets – by debating it in assemblies, conventions, committees of safety and inspection – in town and county meetings, as well as in private conversations; so that the whole people, in every colony, have now adopted it as their own act. This will cement the union, and avoid those heats, and perhaps convulsions, which might have been occasioned by such a declaration six months ago.

But the day is past. The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epocha in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great Anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade with shews, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires and illuminations from one end of the continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.

You will think me transported with enthusiasm; but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure, that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these states. Yet through all the gloom I can see the rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the end is more than worth all the means, and that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction, even although we should rue it, which I trust in God we shall not.

John Adams

A WORD FROM YOUR EDITOR: Tom, great first draft. Your enthusiasm for the liberty thing really shines through. Now let's see if we can't punch it up a bit. Some suggestions:

When in the Course of human events

Strike "human?" Doesn't add anything. I think your shift key is sticking again.

it becomes necessary for one people

One person? Or just "people"? I like it better with "people," plural -- kind of has that universal relatability thing going for it?

to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another

Dropped a word. Another what? "Another people?" That's an awkward construction. Maybe "other people," or if you want to do a callback, "other humans." I like that -- kind of an Oscar Wao geek-cult reference. Very now.

and to assume among the powers of the earth,

Easy on the sci-fi, though -- we don't want to end up in the genre bins

the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them,

These are the same thing. Pick one?

a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

This is a little opaque. If you want to move away from the sci-fi, maybe replace the whole paragraph with "Sometimes, when people break up, they should say why." Can you come up with a good anecdote to illustrate this? What did you say to Sally that one time?

We hold these truths to be self-evident,

Throat-clearing. Delete and get to the point

that all men are created equal,

I'm okay with this, but you should sleep on it, because this is going to be published and you never know who's going to quote it back to you. Sally, for instance.

that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Beautiful (other than the typo in "inalienable"). Drop an "and" before "that among these," and please see somebody about that shift key.

[...]

it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Your call, but you're going to lose the Mather people if you insist on the happiness part

[...]

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

Perez Hilton will kill you if we don't fix this one

[...]

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither

Is this a go? I can't remember if you wanted me to wait until you saw the final polling.

[...]

sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

This reads a little gross. Perhaps full stop after "people."

[...]

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms

Generally, I counsel writers not to brag about their humility. Just a suggestion.

[...]

They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity.

Style manual says "hearing-impaired." Here, can substitute "nonresponsive." Pluralize "voice"? Do justice and consanguinity speak with one voice or two? In my head, I think I hear two, but consanguinity is pretty quiet.

We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

Great! I think we have our title. Enemies in War, in Peace Friends will kill on Amazon.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Run-on sentence. Let's not replay that whole fight about commas, please. And fix that shift key!

Anyway, great draft. With some work, this could be huge. If we get it just right I think I can call in a chit and get it in front of Oprah. Take the holiday off, but can you turn around another draft by July 11?

WHEN IN THE COURSE OF HUMAN EVENTS, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.

He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.

He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.

He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:

For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing taxes on us without our consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:

For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:

For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:

For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:

For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

ANOTHER SETBACK FOR CLEMENS: According to this ESPN report, the syringes and other steroid paraphernalia that trainer Brian McNamee submitted to federal agents will test positive for Roger Clemens' DNA.

Let's assume for now that this turns out to be true. To think that Roger brought most of this upon himself by voluntarily suing McNamee for defamation. You have to think that Andy Pettitte's approach seems wiser with the benefit of hindsight.