WOLVERINES! Living far away from my high school, I somehow missed that a few enterprising students a couple of years apparently thought "You know what would be cool? Remaking Red Dawn and setting it in our neighborhood." Details here, and yes, you can watch a trailer online (note that while it says 10 minutes, the actual video is only about 3 minutes long).

YOU STAY CLASSY, CUBA: Here's one way to lose an Olympic medal.

MR. SILVER, WE APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING YOU TO THE STAND ONE MORE TIME: Covering our part of today's news, Joe Biden has been portrayed twice on Saturday Night Live -- by Kevin Nealon in 1991, as part of sketch on the Thomas confirmation hearings, and by presumptive VP nominee impersonator Jason Sudeikis (Floyd!) last year at Hillary's Halloween Party (Hulu).

CITIUS, ALTIUS, HUMIDIUS EQUINIUS: Hey! There's water polo to discuss! And thus we once again bring you Mr. Cosmopolitan, this time posting from somewhere in the middle of a maze of moving boxes currently inhabiting the Cosmopolitan living room.

A stunning few days of developments since our last water polo update. On the women’s side, Team USA fell just short of capturing the gold medal, falling to the Netherlands 9-8. Team USA fell behind 4-0 in the first quarter, but rallied to tie 5-5 at the half. After trailing again in the third quarter, the US knotted things at 7-7 entering the fourth, but did not have enough left in the tank to stop steamroller Danielle De Bruijn, who scored seven goals. The silver represents a wholly satisfactory outcome for the women, and makes the US the only team to medal in all three Olympics featuring women’s water polo.

On the men’s side, pool play [hyuk -- ed.] ended with Team USA unexpectedly winning its group after Serbia “lost” to Italy 12-11. Having been defeated by Croatia in pool play, Serbia could not win the group and receive a bye to the semi-finals. It therefore intentionally tanked [hyuk deux -- ed.] against Italy in order to face Spain and the US on its way to the gold medal game, rather than the more highly-ranked Montenegro and Hungary teams. So after blowing out Spain 9-5 in the quarterfinals, Serbia met the US earlier today in the semis.

From the "careful what you wish for" annals, the US came out and played the game of the tournament thus far, defeating Serbia 10-5 behind sound defense and three more goals by Tony Azevedo. US goalie Moses Merrill played out of his mind, saving 16 of 21 shots, including a few spectacular saves that appeared to demoralize the Serbs. Portions of the game will be shown in *prime time* sometime tonight, so let’s all do our part (not just the women) in keeping those ratings up!

On Sunday, the US men will face two-time defending Olympic champion Hungary for the gold medal. If the defense stays strong, there is a real chance for the US men to capture their first gold medal since the 1904 St. Louis Olympics, in which three US club teams swept the medals. [No wonder there's a St. Louis water polo thing -- ed.]

DIGITALLY COMPRESSED DIALOGUE: As a break from constantly checking your phone for text messages, here's another piece from The Onion. Needless to say, yes, I would watch that show, though the premise as pitched creates a problem with the framing device used in the final season (and who are the other "cast members" pictured?).

PHELPS' HAPPY HARBOR: Well, there are worse places he could end up.

OY THE AGONY! OOH THE SHAME! TO MAKE YOUR PRIVATES PUBLIC FOR A GAME? I know what you're thinking: I'd love to see more women's table tennis on tv, but not enough other people are interested. The International Table Tennis Federation has heard your pleas, and rapidly went back and forth before coming up with the solution you'd probably expect. Because table tennis, after all, is just beach volleyball where you're not standing on the (bigger) court (which isn't made of sand), so what the ITTF wants is for its women's table tennis players to show more skin. "We are trying to push the players to use skirts and also nicer shirts, not the shirts that are made for men, but ones with more curves," International Table Tennis Federation (ITTF) vice president Claude Bergeret said.

Meet fashion trend-setter Naomi Natsumoto. And needless to say, nothing's been asked of the male players.

[More women's ping pong awesomeness from elsewhere on NBC.]