IHOP to Bail Out Hungry Consumers

A DEAL EVEN NIHILISTS CAN BELIEVE IN: As its 2009 "Hungry Consumer Relief Plan," IHOP is offering all-you-can-eat pancakes for $4.99. According to the press release, "Pancakes are served fresh three at a time until the guest is satisfied."

(Whenever we reference IHOP here, I am compelled to repeat Bill's suggestion from 2007: "Steve Jobs buys IHOP, changes name to iHop, and reduces the number of items. Even though the pancakes are smaller and more expensive, no one minds because they're tastier and shiny. No one can explain why a shiny pancake is a good thing, but people are standing in line to get one.")

As good as the pancakes are, however, I've always believed that their hash browns are even better. Yeah, I said it.

FORE: I cannot watch young children playing Wii golf. Please kill me right now.

NEIL WITH AN I:NPH's hosting duty on SNL this weekend will feature at least one special guest. In addition, he and his HIMYM castmates are sitting pretty, as they've all signed deals giving them significant raises and locking up their services through Season 8.

HOLD ON, FOLKS, THE MAN'S TALKING ABOUT WASTE MANAGEMENT: Look, I'm all for the New York Times shaking up its op-ed page. As Stephen Colbert observed (as have others), most of the regular columnists keep very predictably to the same schtick column after column. But do regular op-eds from Bono, which begin this Sunday, constitute the sort of change we need?

AS JEWISH AS F*^KING TEVYE: Via Popwatch, Beliefnet's Esther Kustanowitz has posted a list of Top 10 Jewish Movie Characters that may be among the most poorly-constructed lists I've ever seen, a BFTJ compendium focusing on characters that are just brutally bad stereotypes (Judd Hirsch in Independence Day), in bad movies (Melanie Griffith in A Stranger Among Us), or who aren't even Jewish at all (Obi-Wan Kenobi and Gov. William J. Lepetomane, and just because the Native American chief spoke some Yiddish doesn't make him Jewish -- see Powell, Colin.)

We can do so much better, even without including the Steins and Fellers of Philadelphia. Let me suggest a few to start:

• Moses (Charlton Heston), The Ten Commandments
• Frances "Baby" Houseman (Jennifer Grey), Dirty Dancing
• Itzhak Stern (Ben Kingsley), Schindler's List
• David Greene (Brendan Fraser), School Ties
• Karen Hill (Lorraine Bracco), Goodfellas
• Alvy Singer (Woody Allen), Annie Hall
• Alan Dershowitz (Ron Silver), Reversal of Fortune
• Ben Stone (Seth Rogen), Knocked Up
• Judah Rosenthal (Martin Landau), Crimes and Misdemeanors (do they all have to be heroes? See also Hyman Roth (Lee Strasberg), The Godfather, Part II, because he always made money for his partners)
• Barton Fink (John Turturro), Barton Fink
• Yentl (Barbra Streisand), Yentl

See, related, Lewis Beale, "Jewish Guys Get An Image Makeover," Los Angeles Times 1-4-09; Gail Dines, "Invisible In Hollywood: Jewish Women," The Boston Globe 1-16-06.

... SEX! ... YOUR HAIR! ... [X]! The folks behind the Broadway musical Avenue Q believe that "one of the most-loved lyrics" in the show -- from the show's closer "For Now" -- has to change in eleven days. They're running a contest for the replacement. Submit your suggestion here, and the winner will receive various autographed show swag, including an autographed copy of the revised script with the your lyric included.

My submission? Stick with the status quo. It'll still work, and in fact keeping it there reinforces the truth of the song's message. YMMV.

THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME WHAT I ALREADY KNOW. YOU SHOULD WORK FOR THE HUFFINGTON POST: Yay, 30 Rock is back, and with some of the best use of guest stars I can remember. Dinklage! Hayek! Janis Jopler! I'm glad to see they've picked up the Liz-adoption angle from the season premiere, and oh, I'm just happy to have the show back.