AND THIS BIRD YOU CANNOT CHANGE: Conan's final monologue and departing remarks are transcribed here, and that all-star musical finale is, for now, still on YouTube. From those remarks:

To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

Now, the hard question: was O'Brien's decision to reject NBC's offer to continue to host The Tonight Show at 12:05 am (a) correct, no matter what, as a matter of principle and dignity or (b) only the correct move if he lands an appropriate new perch? Fox at 11pm is not guaranteed to happen, and if not that, then what?

added video: Hanks and O'Brien in the Five-Timers Club (1990); Jimmy Fallon says goodbye.

HOPE FOR HAITI NOW: It goes without saying -- but the need isn't going away anytime soon -- that your money is needed for Haitian relief right now. But this post isn't to preach or hector about that; you know what your obligations are.

This post exists because we are a pop culture blog, and there's a telethon going on (live online here, among other places), and this sort of celebrity-filled thing is our proverbial bread and butter. Alicia Keys just blew me away with "Prelude to a Kiss," and we're just getting started.

for your added consideration: We've come to the point with events like this such that we expect to see superstars like Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder and Bono pitch in and perform. And yet, still, to see Madonna up there performing "Like A Prayer" with a choir and minimal instrumentation ... somehow, that seemed to elevate the specialness of the evening that much more. There's just something about the centrality of her music to my formative years, and her relative absence from the public eye these days, that when she does show up it's really an event.

WHY THE FACE? I probably shouldn't criticize any law firm's marketing decisions -- I am married, after all, to an attorney whose firm embraced Samuel L. Jackson's favorite epithet and exclamation as its nickname and trademark -- but look at Watt Tieder Hoffar & Fitzgerald's logo. My first thought was that it sad "WTF" instead of "WTHF," so why try to camouflage the H? My second thought was "is that a gallows"? Somehow I think that "what the fuck - gallows?" isn't what they were going for.

MAY U LIVE 2 SEE THE KICKOFF: Prince has recorded a fight song for the Minnesota Vikings.

Remember that thing I said that time about how there's nothing that couldn't be improved with the addition of more Prince? I may have to walk that back now -- this is no "New England, the Patriots and We," let alone the awesomeness of 1988's "Buddy's Watching You" or these other sports team hits.

added: Simmons: "Are you kidding me? He could have changed the lyrics of 'Darling Nikki' to 'Darling Sidney' and it would have gotten the Vikes more fired up than 'Purple and Gold.' Quite simply, it's the worst sports song ever made by someone who actually has talent. ... Not since 'Under the Cherry Moon' has Prince been responsible for something this indefensible."

DEBI THOMAS, ARE YOU FREE NEXT MONTH? With the Winter Olympics just weeks away, ALOTT5MA Award-Winning Guest Correspondent Gretchen previews this weekend's figure skating action:

After a great men's championship, the US Figure Skating National Championships gear up this weekend for the ice dancing and women's competition. If you want to see a future Olympic medalist, you'd be better off watching ice dancing than the ladies. Tanith Belbin and Benjamin Agosto, silver medalists in Turin, are back -- but this time, they have competition in Meryl Davis and Charlie White, a pair who are ranked first in the world. If you're a SYTYCD fan who appreciates the Bollywood dances, be sure to check out their Bollywood number. The theme for the original dance this year is a folk dance, which encompasses everything from Russian folk dancing to liederhosen to country line dancing in plaid shirts. [bot only does the competition include Russian folk dancing, but the Russians themselves are doing Australian aboriginal dance. Unshockingly, the Australians are displeased.]

The women's competition will be fascinating. Sasha Cohen says she's back, but she hasn't competed since 2006 and pulled out of all of the preliminary competitions this year. And with only two spots on the Olympic team for American women, she has no time to warm up. Then again, who else would they send? No other American woman has demonstrated the star power, the confidence, or the international success of even a rusty Sasha Cohen.

My money's on Rachael Flatt, a spunky and very consistent skater who had an exuberant performance at Skate America (and who has already submitted all of her college applications, so at least she doesn't have to worry about that). Alissa Czisny has all of the required elements to be a champion, but is so very inconsistent that I have to think that anything less than a national championship would keep her off the team. (While the top two skaters will probably go to the Olympics, that's not a guarantee, as we saw in 2006 when they chose an injured Michelle Kwan to go.) Mirai Nagasu, an angsty teenager who has told the media that she's "not very smart and not very pretty," could win if she could just pull her head together. And that still leaves Michelle Kwan protege Caroline Zhang, Ashley Wagner, and injury-ridden Emily Hughes. No one is a lock -- which should make this a legitimately exciting athletic competition.

added: The short programs were held last night after Gretchen filed this story; Nagasu, Cohen and Flatt lead the women, with Czisny out of the running. Scorecards here.

IT'S ALREADY MADE ME MISS JEROME BROWN. WHAT'S THE ENCORE?: Fans of ESPN's magnificent 30 for 30 series will rejoice in the spring schedule now announced, including "Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. The New York Knicks," "June 17, 1994" and Ice Cube's documentary about the his beloved Los Angeles Raiders.

LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND BILLY ZANE, HE'S A COOL DUDE: ABC's new "It's like Grey's Anatomy, but with lawyers" show The Deep End just finished airing on the East Coast. Now, I haven't watched it yet (indeed, I'm scheduling this post to publish before it even starts airing), but given the demographics of our readership, a thread seems in order for mockery, ridicule, and commentary on the realism or lack thereof--I suspect we won't have lawyers pulling all-nighters reviewing documents to put on a list and then shouting "I already work around the clock!"

ETA: OK, so it wasn't that bad, though the characters aren't particularly interesting or well drawn except for the hot blonde with Tom Amandes Daddy Issues, and there's nothing even approaching reality in the show (new law grad interviewing for a highly prestigious gig at the start of their 3L summer?). But Billy Zane glowers and grunts well, and I'm not entirely sure what Norbert Leo Butz is doing, though it's somewhat interesting.