AFTER THE BREAK, LARRY READS A TWITTER: I'm just going to let this excerpt from Larry King's interview of Johnny Weir from earlier this week speak for itself.

KING: Another question from Facebook: Johnny, the question is, how does it feel to be so fierce?

WEIR: Larry, I never heard -- I never thought I'd hear you call something fierce.

KING: I didn't. The Facebook did.

WEIR: I know. Still, you said fierce. Kathy Griffin would be very excited for you right now. But I suppose being fierce is a very good thing, and a very cool thing. But more than fierce, I think I'm a strong person and a strong individual. And that's what I take with me every day.

THREE LITTLE BIRDS SAT ON MY WINDOW, AND THEY TOLD ME I DON'T NEED TO WORRY: Frequent commenter Jenn has discovered a trend:

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Okay, so there are certain things that we know about Simon Cowell. He largely limits his clothes purchasing to t-shirts. He has a very low tolerance for country music. And he apparently has a phobia about birds. I have proof on that last one.

Exhibit 1: Carly Smithson does a lovely job on the Beatles classic "Blackbird," which Simon dismisses as a "song about a blackbird" and tells her that singing it was "not a smart thing to do."

Exhibit 2: David Cook does a great acoustic take on Dolly Parton's lovely "Little Sparrow," and Simon says, "If you can make a song about sparrows good, which actually you did, congratulations.

Exhibit 3: There were many problems with the producers saddling Syesha Mercado with "Hit Me Up," but it allegedly being "a song about penguins" was not the biggest one, you know?

I was going to put Exhibit 4 (Megan Joy sings Rockin' Robin, followed by an incongruous "caw, caw," and Simon loses it, but YouTube is only turning up studio versions of the song. Which I didn't want then. And don't want now.)

So, with that in mind, I suggest that Idol do a performance night of Songs That Drive Simon Nuts, aka, Bird Songs. Here’s a link to an iMix of most of the songs. (Warning: This will seek to open iTunes. Also, if you do check it out, feel free to check out my other iMixes, which you should be able to get to from a link on the page.) In any event, here’s the list:

1. Kelly Hogan, Rubber Duckie. Rubber Duckie, you're the one! Oh, so jazzy.
2. Eva Cassidy, Songbird. And the songbirds keep singing/like they know the score. (orig. Fleetwood Mac)
3. Annie Lennox, Little Bird. I look up to the little bird / That glides across the sky / He sings the clearest melody / It makes me want to cry. Some little Idolette would totally butcher this.
4. Harry Connick, Jr., A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square. And as we kissed and said goodnight, a nightingale sang, a nightingale sang.
5. Josh Ritter, Snow Is Gone. Hello, blackbird! Hello, starling! Winter's over! Be my darling!

INTEREST IN YOUR BOLD REJECTION OF SOCIAL NORMS AS EVIDENCED BY YOUR DYED HAIR: Via Cracked.com (via these guys), "A Trailer for Every Academy Award Winning Movie Ever":

SURF DUDES WITH ATTITUDES -- KINDA' GROOVY: In news only Marsha will appreciate, the cast of California Dreams -- Peter Engel's seventh-best Saturday morning show, behind Saved by the Bell, Saved by the Bell: The New Class, Malibu CA, City Guys, Hang Time, and USA High -- reunited on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

THE THREE-HORSE RACE: Danny Pudi opened up an early lead with his impression of Don Draper hitting on Annie (bonus: Trudy Campbell's surprised, then overcome, then giddy reaction). Chris Pratt mounted a challenge with his usual cluelessness, both at the shoeshine stand and at the apartment walk-through, but seemed to be running to stay in shape, not to win. In the end, though, Nick Offerman found another gear from the top of the turn through the home stretch, with the fake satisfaction over winning Woman of the Year. Win: Offerman. Place: Pudi. Show: Pratt.

DON DRAPER HITS ON A COLLEAGUE'S WIFE:Because of getting home at midnight (isn't trial preparation fun?), I only got a chance to watch the first 15 minutes of The Office, but did manage to watch Community, which had so much awesome in it that it deserves its own post--Zevon! Zach Braff jokes! A Mad Men joke that's also meta-tastic! Abed's impressions of vampires and Jeff Winger! Britta's discussion of bag-els. "White Abed"/"Brown Joey"! Shirley's remark that "if it's a girl, we need to find her for Abed, and if it's a boy, we need to find him for Jesus!" And, yes, for the ladies, Joel McHale in leather pants and then network TV naked. (And Annie's priceless response thereto.) Seriously, this is a show firing on all cylinders that gets a little lost in the shuffle--it shouldn't.

ETA: And the show (along with The Office and 30 Rock) has officially been picked up for season dos.

I'VE GOT THAT FEELING FROM THE OCEAN: Really, you can sue Fishbone because you didn't know there would be stage diving at the concert? Assumption of risk, anyone?

Related, because I'll never have a more justifiable reason to use this clip: Fishbone f/Annette Funicello, "Jamaican Ska" from 1987's Back to the Beach.