OH, NO! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH! OH, THEY'RE IN MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAHHHHH! AAAAAGGHHH! Warning -- this montage contains the type of language you might expect Nicolas Cage to use to express distress:

EVEN INCLUDING THE BONUS FOR BEING A "TRUE YANKEE":   I'm all for recognizing a premium for Class, Mystique and Aura, but an offer of $15M per year for the ages 37-39 seasons of a shortstop who hit .270/.340/.370 last season and doesn't field well, to me, reflects an appropriate premium.  A fourth season?  Sure, what the hell.  It's Yankee money, which prints itself.

But Derek Jeter's reportedly asking for $23-$24M per year over the next 4-5 years is pretty damn ridiculous.  Jeter can't claim that his existing 10y/$189M contract underpaid him, and I hope the Yankees play hardball at this point. It's in Jeter's own interest not to be seen as the mercenary who could (or did) leave the Bronx to seek fortune as an Oriole, Dodger or (!!!) Red Sock, and everyone knows it. Calculate the value you expect him to provide going forward, and the number of productive years you believe he has left, and round it up a little because of his True Yankee -- winding up pretty close to the Yankees' existing offer.  Can anyone defend what Jeter's reportedly seeking here?

THERE ARE TOO MANY STATES NOWADAYS; PLEASE ELIMINATE THREE:  The Royal Spanish Academy has decreed that "ch" and "ll" are no longer letters in the Spanish alphabet.  In addition, "i griega" is now "ye," "Qatar" is now "Catar" and "Iraq" becomes "Irak" because no longer will "q" signify a "k" unless it's "que" or "qui."

SHOVELS AND RAKES AND IMPLEMENTS OF DESTRUCTION:  [An open thread for Thanksgiving.  Alice still runs a gallery in Provincetown while Officer Obie passed away in 1994.  Four years later came the most memorable coin toss in NFL history. And a decade after that, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends brought a surprise to the Macy's Parade.]

THE ONLY TIME THIS YEAR YOU'LL SEE A SQUASH HIGHLIGHT ON ESPN:  PTI presents its Turkeys of the Year in the world of sports:

TUR-DUNKIN!  Ten ways you're probably not making your turkey.

I'm once again going with old reliable:  sage-roasted turkey with caramelized onions and sage gravy.  Simple and extraordinary.

added: Via CNBC's Darren Rovell, a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig.

HELL NO.  I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTH SIDE FOR THIS:   Tim Meadows speaks candidly about building a post-SNL career: "I had a period where I had to make a choice: Am I going to continue to do this, or am I going to get a job working at a J.Crew? And I really did just put my head down and said, I’m going to take whatever jobs I get offered. I’m not going to be judgmental or choosy. I’m just going to work and provide for my family and myself and get through this."

Also, he was up for the role of Desmond Pfeiffer.