I'M SORRY, SON, BUT YOU MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH SOMEONE ELSE.  MY NAME IS ROGER MURDOCK.  I'M THE CO-PILOT:  DeSean Jackson attempts to go undercover as a clerk at a local sporting goods store.

COLEMAN, I HAD THE MOST ABSURD NIGHTMARE. I WAS POOR AND NO ONE LIKED ME. I LOST MY JOB. I LOST MY HOUSE. PENELOPE HATED ME. AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF THIS TERRIBLE AWFUL ...  The Guardian (UK)'s Peter Bradshaw argues that Trading Places is the greatest Christmas movie ever because "It has all the elements in place: a Christmas setting, a fable about money not being important (the story is Dickensian in sentiment, Shavian in form), a rich vein of comedy, and some sharp black comedy that doesn't overbalance the essential heartfelt hokiness."

Your favorites are, of course, welcome.

ONE OF THE FEW RETAILERS TO MARRY CULT APPEAL WITH SCALE:  Among David Brooks' picks for the best magazine articles of the year (and do share your own links -- I'll again point you to GQ's Comedy Issue from the summer) is this fascinating Fortune article inside the secret world of Trader Joe's.

AND CHECKING IT TWICE:  Try not to get the collywobbles, you troglodytes, because those of us who aren't smellfungi might not be discombobulated or flummoxed but instead have a rambunctious hootenanny (without too much billingsgate or argle-bargle, or, God forbid, a brouhaha) over this list of the 100 funniest words in the English language.

HE'S MAKING A LIST:  Joe Posnanski charts the thirty-two most painful self-inflicted losses in sports history.  Do watch the video for #10, titled "God bless those kids, I’m sick, I’m gonna throw up."

REQUIESCAT IN PACE, DIAPERMAN:  As part of its annual The Lives They Lived magazine edition (Mandelbrot! Holbrooke! Steinbrenner! Yarnell!), the New York Times provides a photo-and-sound montage of the musicians who died in 2010, including P-Funk musical director and guitarist Garry Shider and some whose passings we have previously noted.

OKAY, BUT HOW MANY CAN YOU USE IN A SENTENCE?  Dr. Robert Beard believes he has determined the 100 most beautiful words in the English language.  "Moist" did not make the cut, but "diaphanous," "insouciance," "propinquity" and "tintinnabulation" did.