THE DIGITAL LADY: Fifteen years ago today the New York Times published an article titled, "The New York Times Introduces a Web Site," announcing that "The New York Times begins publishing daily on the World Wide Web today, offering readers around the world immediate access to most of the daily newspaper's contents" and that such content would exceed the "@times" service it had been providing to subscribers of America Online. The Web, the article explained, was "the Internet's fastest-growing service, which lets computer users see electronic publications consisting of text, pictures and, in some cases, video and sound."  Sounds like fun.

FROM THE ALOTT5MA ACCESS TO JUSTICE FILES:  Every person, of course, deserves his or her day in court ... but first you have to survive Fed. R. Civ. P. 12(b)(6) (or its state-law equivalent) to demonstrate you've stated a claim upon which relief can be granted.

Meet Hubert Blackman, a college student from New York City, who on December 17, 2010 at 6:50 pm sought to experience the heights of Las Vegas private entertainment as only one can at the Stratosphere Hotel.  He arranged with a local business to have a woman visit him to perform a dance for $155 and, for an extra $120, a sex act.  As his pro se federal complaint alleges (thank you, 28 U.S.C. § 1332) and his interview with the press spells out in further detail, the gravamen of the complaint is that he thought he had contracted for an hour's worth of services, but the woman left after a half hour.

Blackman called the local business to demand a refund; they said no despite his protests that he was incapable of entering into an informed agreement on account of drunkitude.  He then called the police; they explained to him that what he did remained illegal in Clark County and suggested he call the Better Business Bureau.  He, instead, filed the complaint alleging "I just need medical treatment on mental condition: psycotic disorder" because "A excort had did an illegal sex act on me during her paid service to me [and] the excort had broke the law," and in his prayer for relief sought as follows: "I would like the court to close the business. I also would like to get my $275 payment back and a $1.8 million verdict for the tragic event that happened."

Others here, no doubt, can comment on the possibility for class action relief with regards to such complaints and the propriety of coupon settlements thereof; many here can criticize the grammar and spelling.  I just want to know what kind of person is smart enough to file a federal complaint (faster process, if less plaintiff-friendly), but dumb enough to talk to the press about this one.   (That said, isn't it worth it for the defendant to refund the money rather than defend this case?)

EVEN BETTER THAN SKEET SURFING:  Someone has found a way to combine bowling and billiards.

ALOTT5MA FRIDAY GRAMMAR RODEO:  If you listen to the United States Government Printing Office, this one's easy: "The possessive case of a singular or plural noun ending in s or with an s sound formed by adding an apostrophe only," citing Jesus', Mars' and Dumas' as examples.

But if you listen to everyone else, oy vey: "Many respected sources have required that practically all singular nouns, including those ending with a sibilant sound, have possessive forms with an extra s after the apostrophe, says Wikipedia, citing The Economist and the MLA.  But there are exceptions.  Our anonymous British friends who don't put a period after Mr. say this: "Although singular in other respects, the United States, the United Nations, the Philippines, etc, have a plural possessive apostrophe: eg, Who will be the United States' next president?" Also? "Try to avoid using Lloyd's (the insurance market) as a possessive; it poses an insoluble problem."

Insoluble?  A few sources suggest that Biblical and classical names are an exception -- Jesus', Socrates', Ramses'.  Then there's one person who says "when a word of 3 syllables or longer ends in s, you just put the apostrophe for the possessive, unless that makes the sentence sound ambiguous" -- Laertes', but Claudius's.

But we here at ALOTT5MA don't believe in insoluble situations.  We believe in answers. So when we ponder why all of Anthony Hopkins's recent films have sucked, should we just say Hopkins'?  Is Richard Dreyfuss' career on the rebound, or Richard Dreyfuss's?  And how can we praise sufficiently Pythagoras' contributions to our understanding of right triangles?  The floor is yours.

added, January 28:  Final poll results:

• Add an apostrophe ("Dickens' novels") -- 71 (47%)
• Add apostrophe + s ("Dickens's novels") -- 29 (19%)
• Usually add apostrophe + s, but with exceptions -- 48 (32%)

THE FAMILY IS MODERN; THE JOKES ARE OLD-FASHIONED: Since Alan isn't covering it any more, I thought I'd put up a thread here on Modern Family. I really was of two minds about last night's episode. On the one hand, if I were compiling a list of plot devices that really should be put out of their misery, it would include at least four from last night: (1) walking in on parents having sex; (2) the mis-sent email; (3) the child's friend who is more important to the parents than to the kid; and (4) the impossible reservation/ticket. You can grimace and do one of those from time to time, but putting them all together in a single episode (along with the comedy-of-errors miscommunication gag, which at least is versatile enough not to make my list) just seems lazy. It's like ordering a sitcom off of a dim sum cart.

On the other hand, you can't fault most of the execution. Gloria's plaintive "I sended ... come back" was perfectly delivered, and the show really pushed the boundaries of what you can imply with the blocking as the kids opened the door and again with Luke's comment about it. So even though I thought the plotting was lazy, the Cam-Mitchell plot was grating, and Manny's absence was regrettable, the other two stories made me laugh pretty hard.

Another thought as I was typing this: the popularity of this show is a bit strange, because the show's viewpoint is so narrowly dialed into a narrow demographic -- the well-to-do West LA professional. Cam and Mitchell's status obsession, their repeated use of Lily to promote their own interests, the preschool application story that Sepinwall hated so much, and the Jay-Gloria relationship, to name a few examples, are all things that I associate so much with daily LA life and that I see far less of where I live now. Are those things really relatable outside of LA?

I GUESS EVERY SUPERHERO NEED HIS THEME MUSIC: Given the dire straits the network is in, it's popular to say that NBC can't do anything right lately. However, there's one thing that they are doing right--and that's title sequences. As shows have gotten pressed to add more ad time, title sequences and theme music are often the first thing to go. For instance, we haven't seen the Grey's Anatomy credits (which well establish the show's mix of the medical and the personal drama) in ages, and the Emmy-winning Desperate Housewives theme hasn't been heard in its entirety in several years, having been reduced to a stinger. A number of shows don't even have real title sequences, but just a card and a 2-3 second sting (Good Wife, Castle, Glee). (Of course, that can be very effective for some shows--e.g., Lost.) While there have been exceptions (Community frequently cuts its theme and titles for time, and a number of NBC's new shows followed the "title card/stinger" method--Outlaw, Undercovers, Harry's Law), NBC has shown a committment to title sequences which are excellent:

• 30 Rock--the music and the quick cuts between the characters, coupled with the NYC backdrops, immediately make the show's tone and setting clear, and put you in an appropriately manic mode.
• The Office and Parks and Recreation--Both establish that while we're in a small universe, we're in a small universe that's not without charm and quirk (or, apparently, Hutts), and where people have ambition beyond that world (even if that ambition fails). (And looking forward to see how they tweak the Parks and Rec credits to reflect this season's cast changes.)
• Parenthood--This (which oddly doesn't seem to be available on YouTube) may actually be my favorite opening sequence on TV right now, with its mixture of Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" and real childhood photos of the adult cast through the years evoking the show's tone just right.

There are a bunch of other solid ones on NBC (and its cable sister networks) now--Chuck, Friday Night Lights, Psych, Royal Pains--where the theme music and title sequence combine to effectively establish tone and character, along with a number of classic NBC ones (Hill Street Blues, ER, Friends, Cheers). It's an art we're losing, and one I wish we weren't.

THE JUDGE'S CONSTIPATION WILL GO TO HIS HEAD: You know, I was all ready to hate the new version of American Idol. I mean, I expected to despise Jennifer Lopez, and I couldn't figure out why Steven Tyler would do it, and I know for a fact that Randy Jackson is useless. I know it's just one episode of auditions, but for my money, that couldn't have gone much better. As it turns out, taking all of the passive-aggressive tension and the muttering and the mind games and the could-give-a-shit tardiness and truancy out of an audition episode left nothing but a loose, breezy good time. Surely Tyler's sexual harassment of 15-year-olds will grow old (incidentally: he is who he is, and we knew who that was when he was hired, so I'm kind of glad he's not going to change just because he's on TV). Surely reputed diva and self-described Gervais-threatener Jennifer Lopez will not continue to be all smiles and candy. Surely, uh, Randy Jackson. But this was an important episode for Idol, and it went well.

ETA: What didn't go so well: Ratings down 13% from last year's premiere. Ratings, of course, correlate to expected quality, not actual quality.