CAPTAIN 3000: As Joe Sheehan tweeted, "It's usually not about the narrative. Today, my friends, it is ALL about the narrative. What a story." Congratulations, Derek Jeter.

JUST RELAX THERE, JODIE FOSTER:  There's a number of things that are very right about Horrible Bosses -- its plot structure leads to a satisfying third act which was not what I expected, and it's good to see Kevin Spacey where he belongs in a solid supporting role. At times, the movie is very funny, and that's mostly thanks to Charlie Day being a great Third Lead for this movie. He shines. (And there's a great cameo at the end which I know both Matt and I appreciated.)

That said, you cannot put Jason Bateman and Jason Sudeikis in the same film. They're both solid straight men—the sane man trying to keep it together in a chaotic world—but you can't have two straight men in the same comic plot. One of those roles needed to be more alpha male hero, because their characters and arcs were just too similar. Take your pick: Bradley Cooper, Vince Vaughn, Ryan Reynolds or Owen Wilson, among others. Someone's got to be the star of the movie, and Jason Bateman for all his virtues just isn't that. You can wait for cable on this one.

THAT'S "THE PEN IS MIGHTIER," MR. CONNERY: Splitsider has done the admirable and important work of gathering all 14 of SNL's "Celebrity Jeopardy" sketches in one place, with annotations--for instance, did you know the sketch was created by Norm McDonald to provide a pretext for his Burt Reynolds impression?

13. C. MONTGOMERY BURNS:  Yes, in an ideal world we've be getting paid what we're worth for cross-promotional opportunities like this, but you should still name a fictional horrible boss today.

INSOFAR AS PART OF SPEECH AND USAGE ARE IRRELEVANT, THIS IS NOT AN AUTHORIZED ALOTT5MA FRIDAY GRAMMAR RODEO EVENT:  We get questions. From Cliff:

I'm a fan of the Scripps bee and was just wondering what's the hardest word you've seen in terms of both orthographic trickiness and usage/popularity?

2011: sarangousty (round 12/20, atypical Persian vowels, Google=7,100)
2010: engysseismology (round 6/9, rare Greek root with rarer repeating consonant, Google=9,880)
2009: schizaffin (round 12/16, nearly unsolvable etymology - Greek plus Latin to ISV plus Latin combining form, Google=286 and more than half of those are spelling bee pages)

I turned to our panel of experts. First, from Nupur Lala:

Great question! "Engysseismology" wins my vote, with "schizaffin," "aitch," and "iliopsoas" as closely tied for runner-up. I consider the "surprise element" of the word, which makes some words seem less difficult when viewing from home as opposed to when a speller receives the word. The surprise element can consist of the dreaded "etymology unknown" to a nearly unsolvable etymology to just too much to figure out per syllable. It causes spellers to panic and stop thinking. "Heiligenschein" given in 2006 was a great example of a word that illustrates this principle. It was not intrinsically difficult but would have sent most spellers packing because it sounds intimidating, tests knowledge of German at a very deep level and presents a potential pitfall with almost every syllable.

"Engysseismology" has a surprise element that would have sent me running off stage. The word's length, irregularity within the roots and how terrifying it actually is when spelled correctly all make the word seem cruel in retrospect. I cannot remember any word standing out in my mind like that otherwise.

And Amy Goldstein:

I'll just point you to the widget in my column ...

The five hardest words of the past three years:
. engysseismology, 2010
. Leishmanic, 2010
. myoclonus, 2008
. palatschinken, 2009
. phenazocine, 2010

From this year's list I'll add naumkeag, puszta and sangsue. Was tempted to add phanerogam just because I was thrown off by what I had thought was a Latin root, but it was actually New Latin, so never mind. Also, it has the root phan- = visible in it.

SAID HUFFLEPUFF, "I'LL TEACH THE LOT, AND TREAT THEM ALL THE SAME":  Ah, yes, Hufflepuff, Hogwarts's safety school.  When your third most famous student is Ernie MacMillan (after Tonks and Diggory), you've got problems, and they're not doing so well on the recruiting front:

(Via Second City.)

CRICKET? TOO POPULAR:  Sports being considered for addition to the 2020 Summer Olympics include  wakeboard, squash, sport climbing, rollersports, karate, and wushu, as well as the reintroduction of baseball or softball. Surfing, dancing, and bowling missed out.