WE WILL DRINK NO WINE BEFORE ITS TIME: An actual transcript of my thought process, on the occasion of a visit from a friend.

1. [Email from friend: landed at SFO]
2. I should text Spacewoman. "The Eagle Has Landed."
3. Song stuck in head: The Eagle Has Landed, Saxon.
4. "To find tranquility ... TO FIND TRANQUILITY!!!!"
5. If I were making a movie where the soundtrack were all 1980s heavy metal songs, that would definitely be on the soundtrack.
6. If I were making a movie where the soundtrack were all 1980s heavy metal songs, what else would it include?
7. Definitely something from Manowar.
8. Remember when Manowar did that song where Orson Welles did the ridiculous voice-over?
9. "When you are old enough ... to read these words ..."
10. [giggling]

And ... scene. But you really should look at that Manowar cover, because yes, I was a Manowar completist.

SUPERSEDING ALL REGGAE COVERS OF NON-REGGAE TOP-40 SONGS: The country version of "Tainted Love"* that I heard in Starbucks this morning** is [Chris Traeger voice] lit-rally*** the worst thing that I have ever heard in my life or in any of the prior lives that some religions believe that I have had.

*Not that a country version has to be terrible. See, e.g., this Ali Dee**** country-bluegrass version.*****

**For all I know, the version I heard was Ali Dee. It was not, however, the Ali Dee version linked above.

***Not literally.

****Country artist Ali Dee, not rap artist Ali Dee.

*****And I feel like I need to say that this isn't really my style, except that I like the little bit of rockabilly sprinkled in in the middle, when the band comes in with the chanting and stuff.

TOM RIDDLE AND HIS MAGICAL DIARY:  Posters for 26 classic movies remade from the villain's point of view.

C-3PO VS. ROSIE THE MAID:  NYMag asked two experts from the Robotics Institute at Carnegie Mellon University to handicap a boxing tournament featuring pop culture's favorite robots. Unfortunately excluded: T-1000, Dot Matrix, Twiki and Small Wonder's V.I.C.I.

"MY BIGGEST HOPE IS THAT IT COMES ACROSS AS A MUPPETS FILM AND NOT A JASON SEGEL FILM THAT THE MUPPETS HAPPEN TO BE IN" : Disappointed by the fart joke in the trailer and a script which they believe "creates a false history that the characters were forced to act out for the sake of this movie," Muppets veterans including Frank Oz kvetch to The Hollywood Reporter about the upcoming film.

AN 'H' AND TWO 'D'S, AND ISN'T A SEVEN-LETTER WORLD FOR ANYTHING: Today was not a good day for Colonels, whether it's the tyrant who looked much more studly and un-Jeffrey-Ross-like in 1970 and died today without having avenged Emmett "Doc" Brown's theft of his plutonium in 1985, or the one with wee, beady eyes from Kentucky, who counterbalanced all the positive publicity this week from adding bacon to his Famous Bowls by the actions of his branch in West Sussex, England, which declined to honor a reservation request from John Travolta because KFC doesn't take reservations. (What, did he want a table overlooking the kitchen?) Back to that ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation:

HANGING WITH THE RAISIN GIRLS:  So did Tori Amos write "Cornflake Girl" after having read Alice Walker's The Temple of My Familiar or because in 1984 at the age of 21, she beat out Sarah Jessica Parker to star in an ad for Kellogg's Just Right cereal?