SUMMER COCKTAIL SERIES (AND PERFORMANCE ART) #4
You (yes, you!) can participate in our summer cocktail series. From you we need (a) an amusing anecdote about a summer cocktail and (b) a recipe for a summer cocktail. Send it in.
Long-lived commenter 3under5 provides us more evidence of Ben Franklin's axiom that
Beer is Proof That God Loves Us and Wants Us to Be Happy:
Wake up early on a day when you know that it is going to be hot and sunny. It's best if it's before 8 am. Ideally, the temperature should be expected to reach into the 90's, at least.*
You'll need a glass mug, 16 oz. size is ideal. It should be thick with a solid, sturdy handle. You can go with a fancy designer mug, but it's not necessary. My favorite is one that says "World's Be-t Gr-ndpa" in black and red foil letters (the 'e' and the 'a' have been scratched away over time). As it happens, I learned about this drink watching my grandpa drink from the same mug, while I enjoyed a similarly prepared Vernor's he hauled 1800 miles for me every summer.
In any event, once you've chosen your mug, run it under lukewarm water, making sure to leave just a little in the bottom (about a half-moon, just enough so that when it breaks off later it will be a solid ice piece that will rise to the top of liquid, but not so much that it will water down your drink) and visible droplets on the sides and handle. Place the mug (or mugs, if you have company) in your freezer.
If you have long hair, you'll want to pull it back in some sort of dew rag or head band, or you may want to put on a baseball cap. You should also have some work or gardening gloves. What's important here is not fashion, but utility. You're going to sweat. Now, go outside. You'll need a project, and it should be one that requires significant manual labor. For best results, I prefer projects like laying sod or digging fence post holes, something that requires a lot of arm muscle (in the interest of honesty, I admit I have done the former, but I have not, in fact, ever dug a fence post hole by myself). Ideally, the task should be one you can complete in about a 10 hour time period (shorter or longer may negatively impact the result).
Work at your project. Work at it hard and with few breaks. Work at it all day. Work until your body is covered in sweat with droplets rolling in and stinging the corners of your eyes. Work until the skin on your shoulders and forearms has burnt a little and is starting to hurt and crack (this may not seem important, but it is, don't leave this out). Work until you can't go on. Most importantly, work until you have a visible result.
Throw down your shovel. Remove your gloves. Wipe the sweat off your brow with the back of your hand. Go inside and wash your hands - but do not shower. Get a beer from your refrigerator. At this point, any beer will do, and actually, beer in a can is best for pouring. The lighter, the better, and price and perceived quality have ceased to be important. (Grandpa usually went with the Silver Bullet.) Carefully remove your mug from the freezer and watch as the frost appears. Admire the ice droplets on the sides. You can briefly press the mug against your burning forearm, but don't take too long, you don't want it to melt. Tip the mug to the side, and slowly pour the beer in, but not too slowly. Stop as it foams up over the top, sip a little of the head, then empty can into the mug.
WAIT! STOP! Do not drink any more.
You need to go back outside, find a spot of shade and a plastic lawn chair, positioned so that you can admire your work. Now, Enjoy.
*This works best if you live in a dry climate and can watch the dust blow by you in a hot wind. I've learned that in more humid climates, you may want to take more breaks and be sure to stay hydrated throughout the day.
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