A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

STEALING BLATANTLY FROM HARPER'S: A selected list of Facebook groups in the "Can this (allegedly humorous item) get more fans than (something/someone I dislike)" vein (I have excluded the large subset of expressly political ones), now updated with membership numbers for each group:

• Can this pickle get more fans than Nickelback? (Pickle--1,383,495 fans, Nickelback--1,411,454 fans)
  
• Can this sausage roll get more fans than Cheryl Cole? (Sausage Roll--1,076,000 fans, Cheryl Cole--1,533,115 fans)
  
• Can this pickle get more fans than Twilight? (Pickle--552,278 fans, Twilight--5,033,473 fans)
  
• Can this guy who looks like a THUMB get more fans than Miley Cyrus? (Guy who looks like a THUMB--130,723 fans, Miley--2,017,481 fans)
  
• Can this hobo get more fans than the Jonas Brothers? (Hobo--60,333 fans, Jonas Brothers--2,103,953 fans)
  
• Can this teapot get more fans than Zac Efron? (Teapot--9,532 fans, Zac Efron--140,314 fans)
  
• Can this outhouse get more fans than the Texas Longhorns? (Outhouse--8,614 fans, Texas Longhorns--206,335 fans)
  
• Can this stapler get more fans than Justin Bieber? (Stapler--6,009 fans, Bieber--1,762,699 fans)
  
• Can this Slayer song get more fans than the Bible? (Slayer Song--3,052 fans, The Bible--1,642,783 fans as "religious organization," 750,399 fans as "consumer product")
  
• Can this M&M get more fans than Eminem? (M&M--1,486 fans, Eminem--2,630,151 fans)
  
• Can this chicken nugget get more fans than Lady Gaga? (chicken nugget--1,398 fans, Gaga--5,282,907 fans)
  

(Seriously, all of these are real.)