- New Year's Eve--Ashton Kutcher and Lea Michele's characters are trapped in an elevator. Real, active duty Navy SEALs storm the elevator in an effort to free them, but Kutcher and Michele are accidentally killed in the process. The losses are deemed "acceptable."
- Star Wars: Episode One--The Empire sends in active duty Navy SEALs to wipe out the Gungans. This is greeted with applause from the entire audience.
- The Grey--Active duty Navy SEALs punch a bunch of wolves in the face.
- Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked--Active duty Navy SEALs are sent in on a rescue mission when the Chipmunks and Chipettes are stranded on an island. Theodore is tragically killed in the crossfire. Again, losses are deemed acceptable.
- The Vow--After a head injury, Rachel McAdams begins to believe she is an active duty Navy SEAL. Actual active duty Navy SEALs disabuse her of this notion. Channing Tatum also takes off his shirt for no apparent reason.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
JUST ADD SEAL: With news that Act of Valor, the motion picture starring active duty US Navy SEALs, will be the big winner at this weekend's box office, a few thoughts on how recent movies could be improved with the addition of SEALs.
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"A Separation": Navy SEAL team assassinates Nader, who, it turns out, is working on iran's nuclear weapons program. Various problems raised in the movie are solved.
ReplyDeleteHugone: NAVY SEALS eradicate the scourge of orphans in Paris train stations.
ReplyDeleteThe Help - Actual active duty Navy SEALs help with the baking and the civil rights, get KP duty for a year and then move to Calumet, Colorado where they train their kids.
ReplyDeleteMoneyball:using statistics Brad Pitt decides to replace the Oakland A's with Navy SEALS, they easily pick up hand signals, but refuse to reveal their last names for the uniforms.
ReplyDeleteThe Cook, The Thief, His Wife, Her Lover, and a Navy SEAL. Thatcherism satirized, Helen Mirren's boobies appear repeatedly, and revenge becomes much more efficient.
ReplyDeleteThe Searchers: Natalie Wood gets found in a day. Movie ends in five minutes.
The Seventh SEAL. A game of chess against the Grim Reaper abruptly turns to a fast-paced action thriller as Actual Navy SEALS try to prevent the release of weaponized Black Plague.
ReplyDeleteHugone: Navy SEALs Identify and remove threats from orphans in Paris train stations.
ReplyDeleteI would've liked that version of The Searchers much better.
ReplyDeleteClerks: 10 minutes into the film, sick of Dante's whining, Jason "Jay" Mewes reveals he is, in fact, a Navy SEAL and kills Dante and Randal. Rest of movie is just Silent Bob cowering at the new revelation regarding his friend's identity.
ReplyDeleteShe was using my laptop. Something about the Echo commenting system causes comments posted from it to -- wait for it -- ECHO... Echo... echo...
ReplyDeleteI know real-life Navy Seals and I can assure you, they make everything better. All of the suggestions are good. I would be happy if, in most movies, the Navy Seals would just come in, take out the lead and then read the phone book to me while shirtless. Thanks, appreciated.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Navy SEALS don't "accidentally" kill anyone (see first suggestion above).
ReplyDeleteI didn't infer that they were accidentally killed by the SEALs -- one cannot always account for the elevator's reaction.
ReplyDeleteWhich is funny because that's exactly how I feel about Keira Knightley.
ReplyDeletethe multiple comments were deleted.
ReplyDeleteWhoops! Thanks guys
ReplyDeleteArrested Development: Buster's hand is bitten off by a loose Actual Navy SEAL.
ReplyDeleteThe Time-Traveler's Wife: Henry becomes a SEAL and defends his country before it needs defending. Before we can see it, however, it is edited back out of the movie, because nothing exciting that happens to Henry ever makes it to the screen.
ReplyDeleteLucille/Lucille II/Loose Seal/Loose SEAL!
ReplyDeleteCitizen Kane. The Seals rescue the sled at the last moment. Also a Seal's gloved hand catches the snow globe to keep it from breaking. They also track down the girl in the white dress that Mr. Bernstein saw.
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