SORRY, WE DON'T SIGN FAMILY ACTS: 95% of what I was going to say about my interest in Penn Jillette's Sundance feature The Aristocrats has already been written by Nick Gillespie. So go there to learn about a documentary that's just 100 comedians each giving their version of the same joke, and make sure to follow the links to the WaPo article and to Gilbert Gottfried's post-9/11 riff on it. To say that this movie will be divisive is an understatement.

"The Aristocrats" joke itself is about the filthiest one there is, even more deeply offensive, at its best, than the "The Most Offensive Song Ever" from Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. But that's the point.

Don't believe me? Watch Eric Cartman tell the joke. (Or read a transcript.) (Last two links exceptionally NSFW).

I'VE GOT TO STOP THIS. MY ENTOURAGES ARE GETTING ENTOURAGES: If you're a sports fan who also reads this blog, that you should be reading Bill Simmons regularly is beyond peradventure.

But did you know his Quote of the Day archive is now online?

Two of the many gems:

"That was just instinct. Kind of like running from the cops, I guess you could say."
-- Virginia's Marquis Weeks after returning a 100-yard kickoff against UNC

"We have a lot of stars, just no one you've ever heard of."
-- 49ers GM Terry Donahue

One quote I'd add is from the late Tug McGraw. When asked what he'd do with his 1975 salary, he responded, "Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste."

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: While there are still several movies I ought to see before the Oscars to be an educated viewer (in particular, "Vera Drake," "Maria Full of Grace," "Kinsey," and "Being Julia"), I finished viewing the five films nominated for Best Picture this evening with "Million Dollar Baby," and can unambgiously say that "MDB" would get my Best Picture vote, at least among the nominees. "Ray" is a decent biopic carried by Foxx's performance in spite of a clunky framing device and overlong script, "The Aviator" is overly ambitious and fails almost as much as it succeeds, "Finding Neverland" is a formulaic (if effective) tearjerker, and "Sideways," good as it is, doesn't match up. "MDB" is full of body blows, not just in the boxing ring, but with a well-hidden plot turn (which I'd appreciate if people didn't spoil in the comments) that makes the movie far more than you may have expected. The three lead performances are great, and the script doesn't condescend or make a moral judgment on what happens--it tells a story and does it beautifully. There may well have been better films released in 2004, but of the final five, I think "MDB" would be my clear choice for Best Picture, though I'd split other votes ("Sideways" would get my screenplay vote, and Martin Scorsese would get my director vote).

YOU'RE NOT WORFWESS, AWEC BALDWIN: It's an exceedingly quiet day at the office--perhaps folks thought it would be a good idea to not come in in light of the subzero windchill--so I want to make a case to you fine folks--Alec Baldwin is a better actor than he gets credit for. Take a look at the filmography. There are a fair number of stinkers in there, but Baldwin, even in an utter disaster like "The Cat In The Hat" or a movie he's clearly doing for the paycheck like "Along Came Polly," Baldwin's part is almost always fascinating to watch. Baldwin also has a willingness to take smaller or unusual parts that many "name actors" might be reluctant to do, such as narrating "The Royal Tennenbaums" and providing a voice for the animated version of "Clerks.""

However, the key to Baldwin's talent is two-fold. First, he is enormously good at playing the profane but smart thug. Witness his Oscar-nominated work in last year's "The Cooler" as Casino owner and small-time hustler Shelly Kaplow. Also, Baldwin's performance in "Glengarry Glen Ross" is deservedly legendary, not just for its innovative usage of profanity, but for great delivery of lines like "We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? [Holds up prize] Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired."

Second is Baldwin's utter willingness to self-parody. It's rarely seen on the big screen, with the best examples being his unbilled work as a drunken lout of an actor in "Notting Hill" and as a lecherous actor with a thing for underaged girls in "State & Main," but it shines. Where Baldwin's comic edge really shines are his many appearances on "SNL." Be it making fun of himself as being nothing more than a "handsome actor," talking about his "Schweddy Balls," reminiscing about the late, great Bill Brasky, or even delivering a very uncomfortable presentation with a coworker, Baldwin always brings the laughs.

Personally, I'd love to see Baldwin on a sitcom or dramedy--maybe a more comic, network-friendly variation on "The Sopranos" about a goodfella who goes into witness protection but can't quite seem to give up "the life." Hell, if it weren't too late, I'd advocate seeing Baldwin as a Presidential candidate over on "West Wing," and he still could make an interesting recurring character as an angry Senator.

THROWING STONES: As many of you heard two days ago, Philip Johnson, the unofficial dean of the American architecture establishment, died Wednesday, or possibly Tuesday night, at the tender age of one jillion. For those of you who believe that one should speak no ill of the dead, Johnson was probably best known for the AT&T building, which reintroduced the purely ornamental sculptural top to the modern skyscraper form. His most well-received work, however, may have been his first: his own home in New Canaan, a small glass box (minimally framed in steel atop a narrow brick-fronted concrete slab) on a low grassy hill punctuated with trees. Although the materials are thoroughly modern, the transparency and apparent weightlessness of the house draw the natural surroundings into and through the structure. Makes for pretty pictures and probably a neat place to do the NYT crossword on a spring morning.

For those of you who don't care about speaking ill of the dead, I will add that Johnson is one of those architects who feed the myth that the only important thing about a building is how it looks from the outside. His glass house is beautiful, but glass transfers heat (and cold), so the house is uninhabitable all winter and on most hot days. Johnson's skyscrapers also (necessarily) focused on the skin of a building, leaving the innards to be carved up by the developers and tenants.

Johnson was also a Big Idea guy (not one Big Idea -- I would say that he was the Madonna of architecture, except that there were others who fit the bill) whose big ideas didn't always translate. The idea of blowing up smaller architectural forms to skyscraper scale, for example, never did it for me -- things that feel perfectly normal when properly scaled to the human body can look grotesque (and childishly simple) when just blown up to 50x scale. The glass house creates two completely different kinds of theoretical problems. One is that you can take the transparency only so far -- even Johnson wanted his toilet hidden in a brick cylinder. The other is that the transparency is false -- easy to build a glass house where distance creates the privacy that walls don't; harder to do it in Park Slope.

One other thing about Johnson: his greatest work was a ripoff of Mies's Farnsworth House, which is superior because of the way it seems to float. There are a ton of other interesting things about Johnson, but I'll stick to the architecture here.

IS SHE LIVIN' ON THE AIR IN CINCINNATI, CINCINNATI, WKRP? Ann Althouse wonders whatever happened to Fiona Apple, whose third album has been indefinitely shelved by her record label. Her first album, "Tidal," is one of my favorites, as is her cover of "Across The Universe" from the "Pleasantville" soundtrack, though her second album "When The Pawn..." (I refuse to type the full 70 word title), is rather pretentious and more than a bit of a mess. Of course, I knew something was up when I went to this quasi-legendary show featuring a likely coked out of her gourd Apple shouting at the sound system, an inexplicable appearance by Jimmy Fallon, and a "five minute break" that still seems to be going on. Apple obviously has some issues that need sorting out, and dating this guy is probably not the best way to deal with that.

DID DOOGIE HOWSTER JUST STEAL MY CAR? Maybe I'm way late on the cultural curve here, but I finally rented Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, and, hot damn, that's some quality filmmaking.

It's the movie that Old School dreamed of being. Funny as hell, but it's a humor that's based on entertaining, likeable characters, not just outrageous situations or tag lines.

This is a great, episodic stoner comedy. It pays due homage to New Jersey, to Old Nassau and to the one and only Slider. It includes the funniest parody of a Just Say No ad I've ever seen, solid grossout humor, and you get to see Sh*tbreak from American Pie stoned off his semitic gourd. And there's a sweetness to it that feels authentic, both from the characters and the writing, and it's unmistakeable.

Here's the original trailer. Oh, just see it. For me to say more would spoil the fun.