UNFORTUNATELY, THE CENTRE COLLEGE PRAYING COLONELS AND THE HEIDELBERG STUDENT PRINCES FAILED TO ADVANCE FROM THE FIRST ROUND: But with the NCAA Division I men's basketball tournament field due to be announced, our friend Charlie has decided to give his patented MascotMatcher Protocol a test drive through the NCAA Division III men's tournament Elite Eight games on tap for tonight:

Amherst College Lord Jeffs v. Brandeis Judges: Snuggle up in your blanket, Louie, the verdict is in! Lord Jeffs
Ursinus Golden Bears v. Coast Guard Bears: At $1,000 an ounce, some bears glitter more than others. Golden Bears
Washington University in St. Louis Bears v. Milsaps College Majors: Salute and head back to hibernation. What are Milsaps? Majors.
Hope Flying Dutchmen v. Wheaton Thunder: The booming you hear is wooden shoes in the locker room. Back to your pot dens, gouda eaters. Thunder.

You can preregister for our annual free NCAA pool via this link.

e.t.a. 10pm: Lord Jeffs!, Golden Bears, Bears and Flying Dutchmen win. Charlie may have to adjust the ethnic settings for this year's tournament, as well as account for the fact that bears are giant, marauding, godless killing machines.

IN MY MANY YEARS I HAVE COME TO A CONCLUSION THAT ONE USELESS MAN IS A SHAME, TWO IS A LAW FIRM, AND THREE OR MORE IS A CONGRESS: Quick survey -- what is the level of interest out there for the John Adams miniseries debuting on HBO tomorrow night? How excited are you to see Pig Vomit as our second President, and do you believe he can measure up to the work of Dr. Mark Craig Mr. Feeny the voice of KITT in 1776?

[Also, FYI: Both of our prominent Atlanta-area commenters have checked in after last night's tornado, and I am glad to report both are fine.]

YOU DON'T REALLY CARE FOR MUSIC, DO YOU? As I sit here grumbling about the fact that thus far, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Leonard Cohen's 2008-09 World Tour includes a grand total of zero U.S. dates -- first we take Manhattan, first! -- I can at least point you to this Boston Globe piece reiterating the oft-made-around-here point that Cohen's "Hallelujah" is the gratist song evir.

(thanks to Viewer Discretion for the tip)

SEND YOUR FEBRUARY 28 SELF BACK IN TIME TO READ IT: While reading the various post-mortems on last night's Lost, I came across an EW.com piece that I'd somehow missed last week. The always astute Jeff Jensen has some interesting thoughts on the ramifications of the stellar Desmond-Penny episode of two weeks ago; what's more, he's got Damon Lindelof's views on his theories. Well worth your time (especially the second page), if you haven't already seen it.

While you're at it, go ahead and read Jensen's preshow commentary on "Ji Yeon" if you'd like to muse on the various ways in which the big non-reveal might have been more interesting than we're giving it credit for.

SAY HELLO TO THESE: A couple of things potentially worth setting your TiVo for:

• The Return of Jezebel James premiering tomorrow night--Amy Sherman-Palladino! Parker Posey! Lauren Ambrose! Scott Cohen! Safe bet given the demographics of this site that one or more of those names led to squeeage.
• Miss Guided premiering next Tuesday night, after Dancing With Sorta Famous People--Judy Greer and Dr. Leo Spaceman in a comedy about high school guidance counselors. Sure, that Veronica Mars showrunner Rob Thomas decided that Big Shots and a 90210 spin-off were better choices for how to spend his time is a little disconcerting, but Greer's awesomeness will have been tune in at least for a couple of episodes.
  

UH-OH! In the mid-1960s, Campbell Soup research & development chef Kurt Eberling Sr. was asked to figure out a way to put spaghetti and meatballs in a can. "He had a breakthrough, his son said, while cleaning up from dinner one night. He noticed a strand of spaghetti twirled in the sink," and from that, the world now has SpaghettiOs. Chef Eberling died in the Philadelphia suburbs on Monday at the age of 77.

MEAT IS MODELS: I haven't been posting about any models-related shows of late, primarily because I've been watching them on a multi-day time delay, but I have been meaning to raise one particular point:

Upon watching the first couple of episodes of Make Me a Supermodel, I was really quite smitten with both Perry and Casey. Over time, however, I have come to detest Perry with something of a white-hot fury. There are very few things that are less appealing than a really good-looking guy who is unshakably convinced of his own physical attractiveness. (Actually, I guess there is one thing that's arguably less appealing: a decidedly non-good-looking guy who is unshakably convinced of his own physical attactiveness. But I digress.) The Perry posse, comprised of cocksure Perry and his dwindling band of floppy-haired brothers, has solidified my love for both Ronnie (just for being immune to Perry's rockhead charms, such as they are) and Holly (for being spectacularly beautiful on both film and catwalk as well as for boldly hating on the boys).

And as long as I'm here, I might as well mention that last night's ANTM meat shoot produced some of the least compelling photographs I have ever seen on the show. I did like Whitney's take on post-Trimspa pre-expiration date Anna Nicole Smith in a meatlocker, but otherwise, man, those were some undesirable photographs. Oh, and I hate Fatima, honorable anti-genital mutilation platform notwithstanding. That is all.