ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DIED, DIED: Want another reason to watch the Grammys with us Sunday night? Prince Michael, Paris and "Blanket" Jackson are scheduled to speak.

In terms of the race for second place in this year's Necrology Applause-O-Meter, the NYT has a helpful pregame show, after the break:

IF YOU CAN DODGE A WRENCH, YOU CAN DODGE A FELONY CONVICTION: Academy Award-nominated actor (really!) Rip Torn was arrested attempting to rob a bank last night.

HA HA! YOUR MEDIUM IS DYING!: We've beaten up on EW a fair amount over the past few years for dumbing down stuff and sometimes seeming as though it's more interested in being Tiger Beat than a magazine about entertainment for grown-ups, but all credit for this week's issue--a nice cover package on Lost, an interesting anniversary package on how EW has featured in movies and TV shows, a decent (though picture-heavy) career retrospective on LL Cool J, a nice profile of Jeff Bridges' stand-in, and, best of all, an article surveying the travails of the Fletch franchise (John Krasinski as Fletch? That'd be interesting.). More issues like this one, please, and less 20 page photo spreads of Robert Pattinson.

SHOULDN'T ONE OF THE GREAT BOOKS TEACH THIS? From The University of Chicago events calendar:

Flirting for Nerds
When: Thursday, February 11, 2010 8:00 pm - 9:30 pm
Where: Reynolds Club, McCormick Tribune Lounge, 5706 South University, Chicago, IL
Description: Having trouble shaking your nerdy image and attracting the apple of your eye? Well, push those glasses up on your nose, take a puff off your inhaler and learn to flirt like a pro. Instructor Rebecca Steinmetz will teach you fun, noncheesy ways to break the ice and brush up on fundamentals such as reading body language.

Not to be overly harsh on my graduate school alma mater, but when that same educator was invited to give a presentation at Northwestern this fall, her topics deemed appropriate for Evanston included "a frank and informative discussion of women’s sexuality ... anything and everything a guy would need to know to make his girl happy. In 'Men Below the Belt', she explained how to please a man in the area between his hips and knees. Steinmetz provided helpful hints on how to improve the region’s smell and taste (what you eat, drink or smoke is key) and gave step-by-step instructions on how to put on a condom with no hands."

Down in Hyde Park, however, it's more like that Marty McFly line after his Van Halen-esque guitar solo at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance -- I guess you guys aren't ready for that.

THE MANATEES ARE WORKING OVERTIME WITH THE IDEA BALLS: In today's "bizarre thing I discovered because of Twitter Trending Topics," I give you Selleck Waterfall Sandwich.

AMERICA'S GREAT DEBATES:Better (or at least more legendarily bad) subtitle for an unnecessary and awful part ii--"Electric Boogaloo" or "The Squeakquel?"

ETA: I misspelled "Squeakquel" originally. I am uncertain whether to be proud or ashamed of this fact.

ELTON + GAGA = ? As this table-setter from the Times explains (and we've long believed), the actual awards given out at the Grammys are meaningless; what makes it worth watching are the live performances and spectacle, and hopefully most of these clips we compiled last year are still online for your amusement. Currently scheduled to perform, in whatever random permutations, are the following artists, per the press release:

Jamie Foxx and T-Pain with Slash and Doug E. Fresh; Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne with Travis Barker; a special tribute to guitar virtuoso Les Paul featuring Jeff Beck and Imelda May; the cast of "American Idiot" appearing with Green Day; Roberta Flack; Elton John; Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland; Beyoncé; the Black Eyed Peas; Bon Jovi; the Dave Matthews Band; Green Day; Lady Antebellum; Lady Gaga; Maxwell; Pink; Taylor Swift; the Zac Brown Band; Celine Dion, Jennifer Hudson, Smokey Robinson, Carrie Underwood, and Usher in a special 3-D GRAMMY tribute to Michael Jackson; and Mary J. Blige and Andrea Bocelli in a special fund-raising segment for Haitian relief.

We Covered It Live last year, and we'll try again on Sunday. Please join us; snark abhors a vacuum.