SO IT'S BETTER THAN THE HONEY WHEAT BUSHMAN BREAD AT THE OUTBACK, IS WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME:  Christopher Borelli of the Chicago Tribune makes something I've never tried, at a chain restaurant I've never been to, seem awfully appealing:

There were no children shouting at the lobsters in the tank; the lobsters in the tank at the Red Lobster I visited had divided themselves into sullen gangs, like residents of an aquatic prison yard. Instead, the only thing I heard, the only sound that jumped out, were voices of the Red Lobster waitresses, repeating with a flat cheerfulness, "Be back with biscuits."

Reading back over those last few sentences, I guess I'm making this sound more "Soylent Green"-esque than intended. On the other hand, the online Urban Dictionary defines Red Lobster as "a restaurant you order a meal at solely to get the cheddar biscuits."

Which is remarkable considering that Red Lobster is the nation's most ubiquitous seafood restaurant, the food is mediocre and entrees are far from chain-restaurant cheap — think $18 or more. And yet culinary history is partly a catalog of obsessions, those dishes that inspire slavish devotion, dragging in customers regardless of hunger. McDonald's french fries, Wendy's fries dunked into a Wendy's Frosty, the standard Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich.

The cult of the Cheddar Bay biscuit, however, seems special and intense.

WHO SINGS ON SINGALONGS EVEN WHEN THEY CAN'T STAND STUPID SING A LONG SONGS: This week, for our Friday Playlist, let's talk about sing-a-long songs--what are your ALOTT5MA Karaoke Klassics? For me, I'll often ease in with a (faux)-oily reading of "Pour Some Sugar On Me," and, if I'm feeling audacious, have been known to go down the road of some "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)." You?

NICHE APPEAL: The Wall Street Journal checks in on Conan O'Brien's ratings, and they ain't so good:

The Time Warner Inc.-owned channel has seen its viewership among 18- to 49-year-olds fall 11% this past television season compared to the previous one—despite Mr. O'Brien's addition last fall. Viewership among those 18 to 34 years old fell by 10.8% over the same time period....

The audience for "Conan," has fallen from about 2.4 million in the show's first month on air in 2010 to roughly 958,000 people this past July, according to Nielsen Co. data.

Mr. O'Brien trails all major competitors on broadcast and cable during his 11 p.m. time slot. In certain weeks, he's also fallen behind newer faces such as Chelsea Handler.

In July, Mr. O'Brien averaged about 685,000 viewers between the ages of 18 and 49, placing him behind cable competitors such as Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart as well as broadcast rivals Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman and Jay Leno.

I hate to say I told you so -- okay, not really, because I totally told you so: "The truth is that while we all generally like Conan O'Brien, we weren't watching Conan O'Brien until his tenure on The Tonight Show was threatened. He's a likable guy doing a genre of show that feels stodgy. And going head to head with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, who already dominate the young (male) audience, I just don't see how O'Brien sustains an audience." Even Conan's boss seems flummoxed:

"We want TBS to be a leading comedy brand," Steve Koonin, president of Time Warner's Turner Entertainment Networks, which includes TBS, said in an interview. The company is still working on fleshing out its strategy. "How we get to that destination we don't have 100 percent mapped out today."

ALL HE'D WANTED WERE THE SAME ANSWERS THE REST OF US WANT: Even though ALOTT5MA Unnecessary Remakes Week is over, I'm not going to ignore the news today that Ridley Scott has signed on to do a sequel or prequel to Blade Runner.

EHN-SHAL-AH: If you have 90 minutes, use them to watch Koran By Heart, a documentary about the international Koran-recital competition, which draws about 200 competitors under the age of 19 to Cairo each year to do exactly that: recite a passage of the Koran precisely given the beginning and ending lines of that passage. Competitors are judged both on precision and proper form -- but not comprehension. Indeed, some of these kids cannot speak a word of Arabic save the rote recital of the Koran itself.

The charm of the movie is that these kids are pretty much the same kids we have come to know and love as part of the Scripps National Spelling Bee. All seem quite bright. Some kids have terrific parents. Others have been neglected to learn nothing but the Koran. And if you don't want to squeeze the stuffing out of the adorable Rifdha Rasheed of the Maldives by the end of this movie, well, I don't even want to know you.

LET ME BE ME: Like a lot of people, I read Will Leitch's profile of Michael Vick in GQ published online this morning, and, um, is there something I'm missing? Because when you just focus on the parts in which Vick is directly quoted, there's not much there, there, other than the insight that the NFL steered him away from signing with Buffalo or Cincinnati (which had offered him starting jobs) and towards a third-string role in Philadelphia. Beyond that, as much as Leitch tries to suggest that there's a bolder, less remorseful Michael Vick out there being restrained by his PR advisors, the evidence backing that spin seems just doesn't appear on the record.

As I've suggested in the past, I remain uncomfortable with Vick's being the starting quarterback for the Eagles, and believe that atonement and a changed life can only be demonstrated over time. And so far, he's doing that.

THE OLD MAN IS DOWN THE ROAD AT ONE FIRST STREET, NE: Mental Floss recounts the story of when John Fogerty was sued for plagiarizing ... John Fogerty, with the case making it to the Supremes on the attorney's fees issue.

Related: Neil Young tells the story of what it was like to be sued by Geffen for recording an album that didn't sound enough like "Neil Young."