I HAVE ONE JOB ON THIS LOUSY SHIP: Man, it's been a long time since I've taken inventory of the state of the nation's celebrity baby names. Finally jolting me into action is the fact that not only did Amazing Survivor übersupercouple Rob and Ambuh (no offense to Ethan and Jenna, and we here at ALOTT5MA wish Ethan well on his road to a full physical and tonsorial recovery, but until Ethan starts convincing Racers to throw challenges, the title goes to Boston Rob) have their first baby almost a full month ago -- a little girl charmingly named Lucia Rose -- but I didn't even know that Amber was expecting. So clearly I'm way, way behind.
So, what else we got? Gratist tennis playir evir Roger Federer is now the daddy of twin girls Charlene "Yes, Dammit, I Cried When Eddings Died" Riva and Myla "I'm Home Again" Rose. (And if you think I'm Bermanizing any more of these names, you'd be wrong.) Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer gave Ruby (resisting . . . urge . . . . ) Sweetheart a little brother -- Otis Tobias Maguire feels like they were trying just a leetle too hard to come up with something less trendy than Owen.
Matt already posted about little Tabitha and Marion Broderick -- proof positive that someone really liked to watch TV back when we were kids. Grey's Chyler Leigh is more of a 90s TV gal, naming her third baby Anniston Kae after dubbing her son Noah Wilde. (Yes, there's another daughter, Taelyn Leigh, which I realize kind of kills my effort at a TV theme.) There are other names we haven't discussed -- we could talk about Adele Georgiana and Roman Stylianos Gianopoulos (not to mention their big sister Mathilda Ereni Gianopoulos), but my lung capacity is insufficient to permit me to recite all of Molly Ringwald's kids' names at once, so I'm putting that one on hold.
But here's an odd new trend -- what's with people announcing baby names to the press months before said names will be attached to actual babies? Some woman who had the good fortune to hook up with Jude Law will be naming a baby Sophia come sometime around October. Um, ok. And the first Duggar grandchild will be getting an "M" name instead of a "J" name in October, giving me as long as three months to wonder why, with all the resources of a brand new initial at their disposal, the inaugural niece of John-David (cheating!), Jana, Jill, Jessa, Jinger (I've always felt bad for Jinger, who so clearly lost the J-naming lottery) Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna (cheating again!), Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, and Jordyn-Grace (still more cheating!) couldn't get something a little less fakey-spelly than Mackynzie. Just think of the possibilities! Ah, never fear, they'll get through all of them.
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