A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

YOU CAN CAN'T CAN CAN'T MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT DO THAT ON TELEVISION: There was an exchange between Bill Simmons and Seth Myers on a podcast a few months ago about how the old SNL sketch about the superhero party could not air today because of the drug use. That reminded me of Amy Heckerling's amazement on the Fast Times at Ridgemont High commentary that there was a time a director of a major studio movie could film a sex scene involving a 15-year-old character. That, plus the loosening standards on basic cable (non-fleeting waist-up nudity on that Denise Richards show; uncensored swearing after 10:00) and in the movies (penises seemed to disappear from R-rated movies after Groove Tube -- Crying Game and Wild Things excepted -- until Apatow brought them back) got me thinking: I have no idea what the current standards are on network television. 15 years ago a hit show could say "shit," show butts, and give fleeting glimpses of the parts of breasts that Barbie isn't missing. Today the linguistic prohibitions seem to be narrower but more stringently enforced, except that beeping cures all. Bare butts and breasts have vanished, I think, and there seems to be an inconsistent application of standards for partially-clothed posteriors. Thongs seem to be okay in beach montages, but Survivor pixellates underbutt, for example.

So help me out here. What exactly are the rules, not just for language and skin, but also for drugs, teen sexual activity, etc.? If I were a TV writer, I would have no idea what's okay and what's not -- which seems to be a common complaint among TV writers.