THIS WOMAN, WITH A VOICE LIKE THUNDER, THIS WOMAN, SHE SUMMONS ALL THE ANIMALS OF THE JUNGLE TO APPEAR AND HONOR THE BIRTH OF THE NEW LION KING. SHE SUMMONS THE ANIMALS WITH HER VOICE, AND DO YOU KNOW -- DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? Tiger Woods has a new son -- Charlie Axel Woods was born yesterday, joining big sister Sam Alexis.
I get that Tiger's own nickname far exceeds the coolness factor of his given name, but is there some reason why Charlie and Sam couldn't be called Charlie and Sam but given a little extended dance version on their birth certificates that might be helpful on a resume someday? I mean, sure, if they can golf like their daddy and look like their mommy and clip the coupons from their daddy's endorsement portfolio for the rest of their lives, no job search may ever be necessary, but still -- even an athletic attractive trust fund baby might someday want to be a Supreme Court justice.
But I guess this is less relevant in a world where President Bronx Mowgli Wentz will be the one nominating Justice Sam Woods to the bench -- in which situation Sam and Charlie sound positively regal.